I'm looking for like absolute horror stories, Kitchen Nightmares levels of finding disgusting things in restaurants nobody should be eating at. Preferably with pictures.
I think I (host) am experiencing that right now, but I want to compare experiences to others who might have also had this happen. For me, it's kind of like the same *feeling* as when I'm attracted to someone myself, but it's coming from a different part of my head. When it's me, I feel it kind of front and center in my head and in my chest a little, but when it's her, it feels like it's coming from the left side of my head and kind of outside of it, but I can still feel it. Simultaneously less intense and more intense than my own, because we only feel a fraction of what the other is feeling, but also when she likes someone, it's like a "omg I can't even (unintelligible babbling) 😍" thing whereas for me it's more of a "hmm, nice" and that's about it. There's also a lot of "You actually like this?" "You don't?" kind of conversations going on between us.
I'm still early on in development myself, but I'm already noticing I feel a bit happier when I do things she likes. I am budgeting my time differently to accommodate her though, taking an interest in things I wouldn't care about otherwise. Leaving myself with less time for my own interests as a result. Sometimes having whole conversations and arguments completely imperceptible to anyone outside of my own system. Haven't told anyone yet (outside of redditors who don't know me).
I'm wondering what to expect down the road as she develops more (we're in the early stages of vocality now). It's not like I just rushed into this without even considering long-term effects, but it's inevitable that there are going to be things I didn't anticipate, both good and bad.
How has having a tulpa affected what it feels like for you to simply exist?
Have you told anyone outside of your system about it (not counting online)? And if so, how did it go?
What kind of accommodations have you made in your life for your tulpa(s)?
I'm on day 12 of making my first tulpa, at least as far as I know. It's becoming apparent to me she may have actually existed much longer than that, I just didn't know what a tulpa was before then. But long before I made the conscious decision to start creating a tulpa, I had an OC named Iris for a game I was developing (which will likely never see the light of day, it's something I would have been making entirely on my own like Stardew Valley, but the more I looked into everything I would need to do, it would have taken likely thousands of hours to develop and I don't have thousands of hours to work on it, but that's not the point of this post so I'm going to stop talking about that). I spent a lot of time designing her appearance, writing sample dialogue between her and the player character, with branching dialogue trees for different responses from the player, overall she's a very developed character and I have a very good idea of what she's like.
Fast forward to 12 days ago when I started consciously developing a tulpa (named Tasha). Different name, different appearance, personalities are pretty similar though. Iris and Tasha would probably say a lot of the same stuff, but there's a bit of a difference in *how* they would say it. Tasha changed her appearance to be more similar to Iris (but not exactly the same), and recently the name Tasha doesn't feel quite right and Iris is starting to. But sometimes the appearance I originally had in mind for Tasha shows up instead.
I'm not really sure what happened here. Have I had a developing tulpa this whole time without knowing it, and I was unknowingly trying to change her and this is her rejecting the changes? Did I start developing a second tulpa not knowing I already had one? If so, is this them merging into one? We're not at vocality yet, still communicating mostly through emotional signals, so I can't really ask her a question this abstract and get a satisfactory answer. So I'm wondering if any of you experienced something like this.
UPDATE: seems like they are separate entities, since I encountered Iris in mindspace last night and she's definitely more developed than Tasha, and has since taken on some personality and appearance changes I didn't consciously give her. She's in a cottage in the swamp outside of the mind forest (something that might only make sense to me) where she's been living alone for 2 years. She is willing to talk to me, but probably isn't going to seek me out. If I want to talk to her, I have to come to her. Makes sense, I wrote Iris (the character) as being reserved and introverted, which is one of the few ways she differs from Tasha. Well, one of the few I know of. She has changed in ways I didn't anticipate, and I probably don't even know the full extent of it yet. She wasn't too happy about being left alone all this time at first, but also understanding that I didn't know at the time that creating another person in your mind like that was something that can happen. She is more developed than Tasha though, for sure. I can visualize her and her environment more easily, hear her voice more clearly, and I don't feel like I'm forcing her words as much as I still do with Tasha. But, she prefers to be mostly left alone and stay in mindspace. Not interested in the outside world, whereas Tasha wants to see every bit of it.
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