u/Jazzlike-Budget-9590

I posted my story last night but deleted it earlier, as it felt too specific and named the specific sovcit group my spouse has basically been captured by.

One thing I mentioned was that spouse believes their debts are payable by using some kind of chequebook. But things are escalating so quickly that there's an update even a few hours later. Chequebook arrived in the post and, today, spouse has started sending the cheques to creditors. They genuinely believe it will work b/c someone in a WhatsApp group they're in sent a screenshot of a loan or credit card balance at £0.00. I only saw it quickly - this was in passing and our child was in the room - but it looked like a screenshot from a banking app, which of course, you can't do. Pointing this out would have had no effect anyway, as many of you will appreciate.

Spouse wants to use these cheques for utility bills - someone else in the group has and it's worked, apparently. I've objected, but the response was, "Just put them all in my name only". Obviously, I'm never going to do that -- purely because that would feel cruel on my part. I would have to really hate someone to do that, but this is my spouse. We have a young child, a mortgage, a joint bank account. (To make things worse, my sis-in-law and her partner pay a third of what we do for their gas and electric - but that's b/c they got so heavily in debt to the supplier (victims of the energy crisis a few years back) that they negotiated a settlement to pay a small amount for the rest of their lives. We haven't discussed it yet, but I know that if I refuse to sign over or stop paying our supplier, that's going to be the backup: "They do it and still get gas and electric".

I feel in an impossible situation and questioning my sanity - am I really some kind of conservative, small-minded, brainwashed sycophant for "the system" because I want to keep on top of our utility bills, even though I agree they're absurdly high? I don't think I'm even looking for advice because I know what my options are. I just need to type it all out in a place where it might find a sympathetic response. If any knows of any specifically UK-based supportive forums, etc. would love to know.

I don't want to be writing this, but I've pretty much no one else to talk to about it. I'm a UK male. Married 10 years - together much longer. We both work, have a house w/mortgage and a beautiful child we both dote on.

It's the usual trajectory in these things, I think: my wife, from Covid onwards, has become more and more conspiracy-minded and anti-"the system". Some stuff we agree on, some we disagree on, and that's fine; I think it's actually helped my critical thinking skills. Although I've also sat through a lot of diatribes just letting it go. But what outsiders don't get is that for the most part, life is just normal. We eat healthy food, watch TV, do the garden, go out for breakfast sometimes. It's not like she's in a full-time cult or "weird". She's a loving, intelligent, empathetic human and a fantastic mother.

Anyway, we're basically both in debt. Child, cost of living, etc. For me, I'm self-employed and went through a really rough 18 months a couple of years back. I've structured it with a loan and one credit card. It's not a brilliant situation, but manageable.

My wife became involved in an MLM company a few years back, going into debt to affiliate. The product they sold was/is genuinely useful, and she learned a lot of useful stuff about social media marketing, etc., and the atmosphere was positive - a bit evangelical sometimes, but positive.

But sadly, like a lot of MLM affiliates, she's made a lot less than she put in, and then, for various reasons, became disillusioned, and decided to "pause" the business.

Tbh, when she did, it was like having the old her back a little. She also sat down, put a number to her debt, and I offered to help her start getting it sorted. For a week or two, we were the closest we'd been for a while.

But then she started talking about someone she knew, through the MLM, who had paid her debts off with a chequebook...

Fast forward to now, and I believe she's full-on fallen down the Freeman on the Land rabbit-hole. As those of you who've gone through this will prob know, it's hard to tie down because the goalposts keep shifting. One minute, she can wipe all her debt with zero consequences. Then there will be consequences, but not forever. Then it's stuff about how to deal with debt collectors at the door.

More unnervingly, and this is what's prompting me to write, even though I feel like I'm going behind her back, is that she's talking about using this chequebook to pay our utility bills and talking about how we don't have to pay council tax. The one time I told her I didn't think it would work ended up in a big row - she took it as a personal attack. The general justification is "F*ck the system. I'm not asking for permission to live. I'm sick of being a 'good citizen' by society's standards." Etc. etc.

Yesterday, it came out that she's considering leaving the MLM and is "interested" in the Sovereign Project. I've looked them up and get such a dodgy vibe - quite dark at times. She also mentioned that she's had a parking fine and is ignoring it deliberately.

I know the chequebook has arrived, and earlier, she was asking where our CT bill was to get the barcode off it (I don't know why exactly, and our kid was there, so I didn't want to get into it).

To make things worse, at the same time, she's also being pursued wrongly by some chancers over a small old bill she has no memory of not paying and that must be at least 14 years old. That one she can and should legitimately fight, but she's going no-engagement, and I know that's going to embolden the other stuff.

I just don't know how to proceed. I've worked my way back up to an excellent credit score. We have a joint mortgage and a joint account. If she wants to try this stuff with her personal debt, I can't stop her -- but I'm concerned it will end with some company claiming equity in our house. Also, if she starts refusing to pay her half of our joint outgoings, or trying to use the cheques, we can't just agree to disagree. I don't want to live a life of dodging debt collectors, etc. I don't want my child growing up in that environment. At least when it was all about abundance and "money mindset" the idea was to earn loads so bills weren't an issue. This is totally inverse to that, and I don't know what to do.

Has anyone gone through this and survived -- got through to their spouse? I know these things tend to lead to "leave them" replies, but I don't want to leave. This is my home. I don't want to be apart from my daughter. I don't want to split up with my wife. What's more, I've got nowhere to go and no savings.