Ended things
I ended things with MM & surprisingly have been taking it pretty well.
I decided to call things off as I began to notice how crazy I was becoming. Anything would set me off, I was becoming dependent on him, long waiting times in between texts heightened my anxiety, never feeling like I had enough of him, constantly trying to learn more about her, the list goes on.
We ended things two weeks ago, ofc there are moment where I feel the sadness & just wish I had him there like I did before, but I remind myself of how bad my mental health was becoming, how he was never going to be able to satisfy my needs. However, for the most part, I feel like I’m able to breathe again. I actually kind of prefer not keeping in contact with him like before, we haven’t gone fully NC but we don’t talk everyday like we used to. I think I am so past on trying to maintain the affair.
I’m ready for real love, I want to be loved publicly, I’m tired of being a secret, tired of relying on his schedule, & the uncertainty of it. In some evil twisted way, I hope his marriage is never what he wishes it to be. I hope he will always remember & miss me. For now, I’m committed on building my future without him. We’ve made it, from some of my darkest moment in this rollercoaster of emotions to finally being able to forget about him slowly.