Questioning my faith.
I grew up Catholic and growing up I was afraid of doing any wrongdoing as I would be condemned and going to hell. I always felt wrong and shameful going to confession. Now as an adult and I learned about more in depth of the Catholic religion and about my ancestors. My great grandfather was Spainard and my great grandmother was native to Mexico. I understand I am at no fault or someone I directly/personally know. How am I supposed to believe/follow a religion that was responsible for Indian Boarding schools not only in the US but in Canada as well. Many people were stripped from their land, their beliefs, their families. Many killed and separated to convert them into Catholics because their beliefs "were the right beliefs and make them into members of society.
I honestly do not know if my great grandmother was forced to marry or to that extent as my grandfather passed away many years ago. But how am I supposed to follow and abide by a religion that did the opposite of what is practiced? As well as many pastors abusing children. The killing of who knows how many natives. I understand people are bad, people do bad things. All this harm that was done but yet I was raised to believe if you dont do x y and z you will be damned to hell.
Now that I have children of my own also I question getting them baptized as baptism is seen a way to get rid of sin but children have no sins so what is the point of that?
I am not sure what I am asking at this point but learning about my ancestry and the horrors of the past done by Catholic preachers. Just made me question my religion as why should I follow and practice this religion knowing people who followed this religion caused a great amount of trauma generations to follow. I'm not saying I have generational trauma regarding this but it just makes me question everything as well shameful even looking at my ancestry knowing that my ancestors were part of a genocide.