Struggled putting the general idea in the title. Basically, I get really in my head about meeting a romantic partner unexpectedly, like the whole cliche 'right moment right time' thing. Because then I feel like it is meant to be, and that it is 'true'.
I feel gross at the idea of going somewhere with the specific intention of finding a partner, like blind dates or matchmakers. I feel like this because, in a very weird way, I would feel like I don't deserve it.
That if it was meant to be, it would find me. But I'm forcing the universe's hand and going on a path I am not meant for If I go out looking for a person.
It's to the point I've made myself believe, if, for example, I go to a house party or gathering, if I have one thought of 'maybe I'll meet someone'- I will ultimately not find 'the one' because I thought about it, and therefore it won't unexpected and won't happen.
Does any of that make sense? I just feel like I can't 'force' my way into the relationship I want. I am aware it is quite irrational, and logically I don't think couples who met via dating apps or matchmakers are bad couples. But for *me*, and specifically me, I don't feel like It's my path.
I have tried dating apps in the past, and it felt weird. I haven't ever been in a relationship, which is a big reason to why I may be putting so much pressure on myself/the universe. I'd like to clarify, it's not like I am turning away people if I don't deem them perfect. Part of the problem is that I haven't ever been desired/wanted, I've never been asked out or met someone who liked me.
I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for. This probably sounds really stupid to most people, and It is, because why would the setting matter if I get a partner? But it's something I've been struggling with since I became an adult. I put this in the spirituality sub because I guess that's the closest I can link my feelings to- the feeling of the universe having a plan for me and having 'the one' ready when it's right for me, therefore I shouldn't be forcing its hand.