u/Jigojiga

Hello, dear friends. I’m going to share my story here, and I need your opinions about it. The goal is not to play the victim or to accuse anyone. I will try to be as objective as possible. I mainly want your feedback on how I handle my intimate relationships and what I should improve. Sorry if I’m overly focused on my emotions…

I am an INFP 4w3 sx. I started a long-distance relationship with another INFP 4w5 sx in 2024. Right away, the emotional chemistry was intense. She was in a depressive state, and I loved being there for her. Our connection felt very fluid. I helped her with her exams; she was very depressed at the time.

A few months later, I went to her city—she lived 700 km away from me. I surprised her when she wasn’t expecting it. We spent two wonderful days full of love; it felt like we were the only two people on Earth.

When I returned to my city and continued the long-distance relationship, we had our first arguments over small, trivial things. I think we may have needed to create some drama.

Then she announced a breakup (it wasn’t really a breakup, more like a message meant to provoke a reaction). But I took it very personally and decided to travel 700 km again to see her and talk in person. She refused to see me despite the distance I had traveled. I took that rejection very personally, and it led to a severe depression. I have never cried that much in my life, never fallen that deeply, never struggled that intensely. I am still in that depression today.

After she dismissed me like that, I thought she would never come back, and I didn’t plan to reach out again. But seven months later, I received an apology email. Her return made me so happy that I immediately accepted her back, without setting any boundaries. I don’t know if it was cowardice, but I didn’t dare to assert myself. In my life, I am usually quite assertive and I don’t hesitate to stand my ground when necessary, but with her I couldn’t—out of fear of losing her or hurting her.

From that point on, I fell into a pattern where I was losing myself in the relationship. I became so afraid of losing her a second time that I spent most of my energy trying to satisfy her, to match fictional characters she had crushes on, trying to be the perfect man. I stopped setting boundaries, I put her on a pedestal, and everything I did in my life revolved around her. Paradoxically, a growing lack of love developed—both toward her and toward myself: toward her because of what had happened, and toward myself because I no longer respected myself.

I had created a dynamic where I was doing everything for her, so it became normal that my own needs were ignored. When I once tried to bring my emotions into the conversation, I immediately saw that she dismissed them, because she was used to me being like a rock. I’m not blaming her here—I’m describing the dynamic that made me lose my self-esteem.

As time passed, summer came, and we slowly drifted apart because I was a bit absent. The relationship unfortunately became boring. I send a letter to save the relationship and she respond me by a breakup by letter. This time, I didn’t fight it—I accepted it directly. I decided not to reply to the breakup letter so I could move on.

Three months later, she came back. I gave in again and resumed the relationship. I also traveled 700 km once more to see her, again as a surprise. During those two days together, things felt strange. I’m not proud of myself, but I couldn’t help being passive-aggressive. I thought that seeing her again would make everything soft and beautiful like the first time, but what came out immediately was my accumulated resentment from those two years. I had so many things on my heart, and unfortunately it came out in inappropriate ways.

For me, it was necessary. I thought that by letting out my anger and saying what was on my heart face to face, I could better move this relationship forward or not. But for her, the damage is already done.

After those two days, I decided we needed to cut contact so I could find myself again. She agreed, but she was a bit sad. She told me I had helped her through a very difficult time in her life, and she cried a little. At one point she said she was pessimistic about us. I replied that yes, things between us were complicated, and she got angry at me.

So the two days were not all peaceful. After I returned in my country, she again said she was pessimistic about the future. I said it was fine. I tried to reassure her in an attempt to salvage things. She asked me if I could send her some money so she could go to her favorite concert And I didn’t really understand that, because she tells me there is a big break between us, but she is asking me for money. And I gave her the money because I had promised her, and I also admit that maybe I did it out of a desire to save whatever can still be saved. . I gave her the money willingly, because I believe that as a man I should help her despite the distance. After that, she removed or blocked me, and I did the same.

If I’m posting this message today, it’s because I would like advice on how to better manage my romantic relationships in the future. I would especially like advice from INFPs, since this is a story between two INFP 4s.

Bonjour, je suis ici poster mon histoire et mon but au delà de mon type mbti, j'ai besoin de vos avis, surtout les infp si possible, pour comprendre ce que je dois retenir de cette histoire et quoi faire a l'avenir afin de m'améliorer dans mes relations amoureuses et mieux appréhender les soucis.

Alors voilà tout commence il ya deux ans, lorsque je rencontre cette fille qui est infp 4w5 sur une application de rencontre, et très vite cest passionnel et très emotionnel entre nous, on se comprend, je trouvais même que notre alchimie était un poil trop rapide, mais très vite j'ai eu des insécurités, c'est débile mais elle était du genre a beaucoup fantasmer sur des romances (dark romance), attentiôn je ne juge pas ce genre de contenue, n'importe qui a le droit de lire ou fabtasmer sur ce qu'il veut mais ca m'a deja emmener a me comparer a des personnages de fiction sur lesquels elle fantasmais, donc j'ai démarré cette relation en ne me sentant pas "Assez", et je n'en ai jamais parlé de peur de paraître immature et très insecure.

Ensuite je l'avais aidé pour ses examens, ce que j'ai fait, c'est que je l'ai bien aidé pendant cette période, j'étais content car elle pouvait se reposer sur moi emotionnellement et pour tout autres problèmes, notre chimie était toujours aussi forte donc j'ai décidé de faire une chose (ca paraît fou) mais j'ai traversé tout le pays car elle habite à 700km, pour la retrouver devant son école et lui faire une surprise, j'en avais marre de parler derrière un téléphone, donc j'arrive devant elle alors que juste avant, nous discutions par whatsapp, des notre rencontre en vrai, coup de foudre, nous avons passé 2 jours d'amour tel un film romantique, c'était emotionnellement un moment magique pour nous deux.

Ensuite en revenant chez moi, nous avons continué notre relation à distance, tout se passait bien jusqu'à une ou deux disputes, elle a acté une rupture, j'ai donc décidé de reparcourir tout le chemin pour aller la retrouver et d'arranger ou non les choses en vrai, seulement elle a refusé de me voir alors que j'avais parcouru cette distance, cela m'a anéanti le coeur, je n'avais jamais autant pleuré de ma vie, seulement après 7 mois, elle est revenue dans ma vie, moi qui n'y croyais pas, je l'ai tout de suite accueilli a bras ouvert, car le manque et l'amour que nous avions vécu était pour moi supérieur à la peine que j'avais vecu, nous avons commencé a nous envoyer des lettres, j'étais encore plus présent pour elle emotionnellement etc..seulement bizarrement je ne me sentais pas heureux, avec ce qu'il s'était passé, je subissais plus la relation que je ne la vivais, et au fur et à mesure que la relation avanceait, un desamour envers elle et encore plus envers moi se creusait, et je devenais de plus en plus passif, de plus en plus absent, indecisive, previsible, serieux, sur la defensive et je ne mincarnais plus dans la relation, car ma blessure n'avait pas été cicatrisé, et j'avais une peur bleue de la perdre donc je meffaceais encore plus ce qui fait que la relation mourrait à petit feux et je faisais tout bizarrement pour maintenir la relation et elle aussi, mais a l intérieurement de moi j'étais eteint, vers la fin de l'été, elle m'avait envoyé une lettre de rupture, lettre a laquelle je n'ai pas répondu...

Elle est Ensuite revenu, car je lui avais manqué, nous avons repris contact et j'ai refait un voyage de 1000 km (,oui j'ai un attachement fort) pour la revoir, seulement en la revoyant, c'était bizarre, je n'étais plus ce mec amoureux d'elle, j'étais désagréable, passif agressif limite sans vouloir l'être, comme si toute cette colere contenue, ces limites non exprimés de ma part, ces blessures non exprimés ressurgissaient en comportement et remarque desagreable et je m'en veux pour etre honnete, car a la base, je voulais repasser un moment en amoureux comme à l ́époque , s'en est suivi la rupture bien évidemment, malgres cela, j'ai tenu a l'aider financièrement une dernière fois, je l'ai aidé à payer son loyer et me suis excusé d avoir été desagreable, je lui ai dit que j'avais besoin de temps pour moi, mais elle, m'a dit quelle était pessimiste pour la suite, j'ai donc fini par me résigner et accepter que cette histoire est terminé.

Si aujourd'hui je poste cela, ce n'est pas pour chercher un coupable ni, ni pour de réconfort, mais je voudrais savoir surtout si il ya des infp féminins autant que masculins, ou pensez vous que les choses se sont joués, que dois je retenir de cette histoire en mal ou en bien.

Bien à vous.