u/Jihyoadict

I always had this inside voice that basically hates me. Im the oldest child in my family and so I was the first to experience college related stuff and going abroad on my own, and I was always told that you’re the oldest you experience to tell your youngest siblings when they reach your age. I feel like I always have this stress or deadline even if I’m resting or on vacation. My head constantly tells me you’re useless or you’re ugly or you’re stupid you don’t know enough. And it gets triggered when I encounter any situations in which I stuttered or said something wrong or did a mistake. They can be minor situations but my head won’t leave it be and would try to convince me how stupid to act that way or how you shouldn’t have made that mistake. It bothers me so much that I even feel like I’m in a competition with everyone, like I seek to always be smarter and someone my family can rely on. But I can’t help putting myself in comparisons with others constantly. Like how smarter they are, how better they are at that thing I should be even better. It’s such a burden having these thoughts and it’s harder when my head tries to convince me that they’re right that at some point I do believe I’m not good enough. I just need tips on how to not follow these voices, they take over my head constantly even if I try to prove them wrong. I didn’t know where to ask but I was feeling embarrassed talking about this to any of my family or friends.