Feel like I am losing my mind
I have lived in my apartment for 3 years with no major roommate issues until my current roommate moved in this January. Since the first week, the dynamic has felt increasingly controlling and tense.
Before she even moved in, she was upset if I didn’t respond to texts quickly enough while I was at work. Once she moved in, she gradually took over shared spaces — reorganized the entire kitchen, wanted separate designated areas everywhere, and even suggested repainting and redecorating the whole house. I tried to accommodate all that I could to keep the peace and thought I had gone above and beyond and that she was happy.
About a month later, I started dating someone who stays over often (about half the week, recently it has been more as he had a shaky renting situation over the last month). I repeatedly checked in with her about whether it bothered her, and every time she told me she liked having him around. Still, complaints slowly started piling up: footsteps in our very old creaky house, “slamming doors,” etc. We adjusted things every time she brought something up but were genuinely confused how we were making so much noise when we made a point to be quiet in the hallways and while we were in my room.
At one point earlier this year she confronted me over her condiments and towel being used and stated that she felt "unsafe" in the house because her things had been used and she felt disrespected and that boundaries were being crossed. I had no idea that this had been happening, then apologized when I realized it had been my bf who had unknowingly used these items. I replaced everything immediately, and we divided the fridge to avoid confusion. She then Venmo requests me 50 dollars to replace all the things that were used (Mind you, only 5-6 condiments were used and her towel was used once and she wanted that replaced) I was shocked by the amount of the money request, but did as requested. Again, I thought the issue was resolved. It was around this time that I noticed that she wasn't taking out the trash at all and that she has never cleaned the kitchen or the bathroom (she still hasn't to this day).
The final straw happened recently when the gas got shut off unexpectedly due to a billing issue with the utility company. I immediately paid the balance and got service restored within hours while I was on vacation. Instead of thanking me, she involved the landlords in a group text and later refused to pay her prorated share of the gas bill, claiming it “wasn’t part of the rental agreement” even though utilities absolutely are and were made clear in the listing. I had been lenient with her with the utility payments and she now owes for two months utilities, which she has made no comment about making.
Now I’ve found out she never signed a lease with my landlords or me after I told her she needed to sign a lease with them. She's clearly been talking negatively about me and my boyfriend to the landlords, and she told my boyfriend she’s “at her breaking point” with me because I’m “all talk and no action.” I am really confused and angry and hurt and honestly thought things had been going well. I really wanted to be her friend and I really liked her.
At this point I genuinely cannot tell if I’m being purposefully manipulated and controlled or if I’m the problem and just losing my mind. Am I being unreasonable here?