I don’t understand
I’ve done so well on this journey. I’ve healed blockages and traumas. I’ve processed and released guilt and shame. I’ve forgiven both of us. I’ve found peace within myself and have unconditional self love and wholeness. I’ve seen countless synchronicities and have been thankful. I’ve pulled my focus to myself and have surrendered everything to divine timing. I’ve been getting this feeling she was going to call without chasing it.
Yesterday the synchronicities shot up. Seeing two posts one after the other with “they’re coming back today” or “the third party is gone, they’re coming back” and seeing confirmation numbers. My TikTok feed showed me her favorite local coffee shop without any tags that were identifying, and I don’t have any irl friends on there. I felt my brain start to burn and it felt like it was melting after that. The synchronicities only grew from there. I held myself together and awaited what felt like it was pointing to today. And nothing happened.
The numbers died down and where I used to feel the wind comfort me and guide me, tonight it was still. I don’t understand what happened. I was doing well and was focusing on myself, but leaving my heart open for reunion if that’s what is meant for me. I don’t know what I did wrong, or if I misread signs, or if all these miraculous things were all in my head. I reached this point after 2 months of intense healing and what felt like guidance. Now I feel alone.
I’ve surrendered timelines and everything I’ve needed to, and then get what appear to be hints that there IS a timeline, but even then I’m trying to surrender the timeline I just saw. Is there something I’m missing?