32M I need to leave my 28F girlfriend of 7 months but she's a "great" girlfriend and I can't tell if I'm the problem
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32M, she's 28F. Together about 7 months. Met on Tinder, moved fast — I was working 12-hour shifts in her city and within weeks I was sleeping at her place every single night. Never gave her time to miss me. Took her to Barbados, thousands on gifts, dinners, trips. The whole thing.
Here's the thing that's eating me. By every surface measure she's a good girlfriend. She loves me, she works hard, she goes out of her way for me, she wants a future. On paper this should work.
But:
- 8 days out of 10 I'm internally grinding my gears, wanting to punch a wall over something she said or did
- She video chats a guy she calls her "bestie" for 1-5 hours a day. Made a private Discord server with him. Her whole energy changes when she's on with him — lights up, animated, playful, way more than with me
- When I bring up real feelings she goes cold, gives silent treatment, or tells me to leave to my parents
- She throws "gaslighting" at me over tiny stuff. Last night I couldn't find a bag of weed in a drawer she sent me to, said "I don't see it," she found it herself in a different drawer — and told me I was gaslighting her and "distorting her reality." Said she has a list of times I've done it
- My music (I produce/rap on the side, been doing it 10+ years) has gone from a 10 to a 0 since being with her. I haven't created anything meaningful in months
- Around her I feel small. Like my effort is pathetic. I run my own business, I'm scaling a crew, I'm out there door-knocking — and somehow with her I feel like a kid who can't do anything right
Background that matters: I came from a strict religious upbringing, didn't date until university. First girlfriend was a 6-year alcoholic situation that was genuinely chaotic. Then I was basically alone for 7-8 years, slept with very few people, no real intimacy. So when this hit and the chemistry was there, I held on with both hands and never let go long enough to see clearly.
When I imagine my life in 90 days without her, the answer came out of my mouth instantly: I'd drive to Halifax and back across to Vancouver and enjoy my life daily. No hesitation.
But then I think — she's a good person. She loves me. She works hard. Am I just running because I never learned how to be in a real relationship? Am I throwing away something rare because I'm uncomfortable? Or is the fact that I want to punch walls 8 days out of 10 the actual answer and I'm just looking for permission to listen to it?
I'm not asking if I should leave. I'm asking — does anyone here recognize this feeling? Did you stay or go, and what happened?