u/JoeAtopic

My wife of 16 years asked to separate 8 weeks ago. It’s been hell for me and one of the hardest parts has been the lack of reasoning she has given.

In the last 5 years we’ve had a nightmare house build, I had brain surgery and last year she had a major MS relapse.

She’s been telling people that the stress of our marriage caused her relapse.

This is really hard to hear because

(a) we had so many external stresses

(b) I’ve always been really supportive of her MS.

(c) if we divorce she’ll be without my help around the house and if she doesn’t have another serious relapse she’ll need even more help.

(d) Currently she doesn’t really work because my income is adequate but once we’re running two households she’ll probably have to go back to work.

I totally understand that there was stress in our relationship. There was also plenty of good too. I would love to be there to support her if she needs more help. It feels like working on our marriage would be a far better option for her in the long term but she obviously doesn’t feel that way.

Has anyone done the Cody Butler win your wife back coaching?

His podcast/youtube is very direct and I do wish I heard some of it before it got to the point of my wife asking to separate. I think I was telling myself certain stories in my head about our relationship which weren’t necessarily true and this created resentment.

As the title says, my wife (21 years together, married for 16) has asked to separate. The only reasons I’ve been given are

- I just don’t feel the same way anymore

- I’ve been on a long journey

- This is what’s best for me

- I’ll always cherish the times we had together.

A few days later I received a letter from her lawyer saying she wanted me to leave the family home within 14 days and to only see our two children Wednesday afternoons and every second weekend.

There’s been distance between us for around 9-12 months. I had a major surgery 12 months ago and it kind of started after that. At the time I felt she was very unsupportive of my situation but put it down to her exhaustion, stress etc. I felt like I was a burden and that it had changed how she saw me.

Before the illness and surgery we had some usual marriage issues but overall loved each other so much. Just 18 months ago I felt we were more in love than ever and reading some old letters from her confirmed that she felt the same.

I just don’t know how it has changed so quickly and with so much motivation for me to get out of her life. She’s been telling people I’m a narcissist and that I made my illness “all about me”. I feel terrible that she’s feeling this way.