u/JoeBookish

The Lump

The Lump

TW: Body horror, drug use

I finished this yesterday and spent a while on revisions, but I'm really close to the story right now and would appreciate a little help with what to develop and what to reduce or omit. I like the structure it currently has, from discovery to horror and pain, to acceptance and the absurd ending, but I wonder if anything runs too long or short. It's just shy of 6 pages.

The tone is intended to be both funny and horrifying. It's about a guy who has to reconnect with his body after a years-long stimulant addiction, after the stimulants make him completely miss a foreign, parasitic organism crawling up his ass so it can gestate. There's a lot of blood and graphic detail, so miss it if you feel like it.

I'm open to whatever you've got. If I should tone down the narrator, turn up the descriptions, develop the wife, more dog... trying to make this one as accessible as anything with an ass birth can be.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GE9S8MRhC63bb9xfb7i6PyZYfGSt1VR7OXr3kpRYAhk/edit?usp=drivesdk

u/JoeBookish — 3 days ago

A body's burning in the woods. He was 50. He was an addict. The other addicts didn't know what to do when he went into cardiac arrest, so they'd watched him die, driven him out into the woods, and set him on fire so he wouldn't just rot there. They'd liked him. They were just fucked up. 

He'd tried moving furniture, despite health problems. Turns out, colostomy bags are prohibitively difficult to wear while heavy lifting. Meth can make your old ass lift the thing, but it won't keep a medical apparatus connected the way it needs to be. He'd tried starting a lawn service, but all the prison tattoos looked scary as fuck for everybody besides a handful of guys around the neighborhood and other people who'd also been to prison. One of those other people had introduced him to meth, which made the work easier and faster, but drove him to stay awake for days at a time and made an erratic mess of his work quality and schedule. It also got to be such a habit that he'd pressured his clients for work and money until he'd scared them too. After 18 years in prison, he was, after all, quite scary. 

In prison, he was a diplomat and a delegate. He went as straight as he could without picking up an informal death sentence. Guards relied on him to maintain equilibrium, quelling conflicts between gangs and within his own gang. He took every available class. He was a certified electrician, welder, mechanic, carpenter, and he could sew, cook, and do anything else anyone could ask of him. He did it for himself and for his wife and daughter, who'd stopped talking to him after he'd gotten out and gone back in for dealing, after he couldn't find work the first time. 

He'd gone to prison, initially, because he'd killed two rival gang members intent on killing his brother, who was later killed while Sam was living in his sister's garage, trying to mow lawns. He and his brother had joined a gang because they wanted to help their family. Their parents couldn't make enough money with their heavy accents and lack of education. They were considered almost unemployable by everyone with money. Despite that, they'd tried to live, start a family, work hard, and eke out some happiness for themselves, because what else can you do?

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u/JoeBookish — 16 days ago

I'm just watching this right now because I like dumb, violent movies but, without getting into spoilers, the slapstick, gore, and "evil" stuff in They Will Kill You feels like an Evil Dead bit. They advertised this movie for shit, but if I'd known how much of it plays like an Ash vs Evil Dead bit with Zazzi Beats instead of Bruce Campbell, I'd have seen it in theaters. Just letting yall know. Frankly, it's closer in tone to the second movie than any of the new big releases back to 2014.

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u/JoeBookish — 19 days ago