Quitting after 12ish years. Struggling.
It’s been 7 days since my last joint. I’m so tired of relying on this toxic, expensive, anxiety inducing comfort blanket but without it I don’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t even mean to quit, i just decided one day that I was tired of smoking and told my girlfriend i want to be done with it.
I still carry my stash around, 15 pre-rolled joints in a pouch. I told my dealer i’d be over next week to pay him back and pick up some more. I keep telling myself that since i didn’t intend to quit cold-turkey that i can go back to it at any time and not feel any sense of guilt or shame, but I don’t know if i should be entertaining that idea. My girlfriend keeps reminding me that one joint doesn’t negate the week i’ve gone without it but i’m scared of going back and letting everyone down.
I have no idea why i’m typing this out, i don’t have a question or any specific request. It’s just all i can think about right now.