Default parent, higher earner, unemployed ex asking for 50/50 custody… what should I expect for someone who has been there?
Long time lurker, first time poster. Please be kind 🙏🏻
This is the beginning of my journey and honestly I know this is about to be hard and I need to buckle up, so I’m looking for advice from women who’ve been through something similar.
My ex and I were together for 5 years and have a 3-year-old daughter together. We were never married, but we’re both still on the lease for our home. I have always been the primary provider by a much, much, more significant margin than him. He is currently unemployed right now and has had multiple periods of unemployment over the last year+.
He’s currently staying at his sister’s house, but I’ve been allowing him to stay overnight at our house a couple nights a week to spend time with our daughter. When he stays, I leave and stay with my mom because it’s emotionally difficult. He does not contribute to rent, bills, childcare, or really any consistent expenses outside of food when he has her.
He’s pushing for 50/50 custody and I do not want that. I’ll likely be pushing for closer to 70/30 because I truly have always been the default parent and carry the majority of the parenting, financial, and logistical responsibilities.
For anyone who’s been through this:
- How much did unemployment/lack of stable housing matter?
- Did being the higher earner hurt you financially?
- Did early flexibility come back to hurt you later custody-wise?
- Anything you wish you knew at the beginning?
I’m planning to talk to a family lawyer soon, but hearing real experiences would really help right now.
Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.