I have been agonizing over this all weekend.
My boyfriend (37M) and I (32F) both have accounts on a certain online fetish site that we use to just peruse through and see who's on there. Neither of us are active members because we're in a monogamous relationship.
My boyfriend ended up seeing our mutual friend's girlfriend on there. And based on what we read and saw on the profile, she's been having sex with different men and looking for more play partners.
Our friend talks to us about his girlfriend all the time. He gushes about how that's the only woman for him. That's she's his queen and that he needs her emotionally. But he's always stressed out about their relationship.
He says she's bipolar and struggles with her mental health and family issues. She's also gone from home a lot to visit her family in another city.
We both now understand what she does when she's going to "just visit her family."
For the last two years, our friend has been wanting me to hang out with his girlfriend because he thinks I'd be a good influence on her.
But every time we tried to hang out, she would always make up some excuse for why she had to cancel. Or get mad at him for trying to "push her to be friends with his friends."
One time, he told me that she didn't want to spend time with me because I'm not plus-sized enough (she weighs around 400lbs and I'm 240lbs). And she only wants friends in that weight range.
Despite everything, he's still been very adamant that he wants us to be friends. He mentioned hanging out with her again a couple of weeks ago. I've wondered why he was pushing so hard for it.
Now I'm wondering if all this was why. Because she's been cheating on him.
So I'm not sure if he's already aware, if he's completely in the dark, if he suspects something or if he just feels like they're distant and doesn't know why.
All I have to go on is this:
On her profile, she asks to be discreet about her meetups.
She doesn't have any pictures of her boyfriend on the site. Just her having sex with other men.
Since the profile was made, she had refrained from revealing her face for almost a year until just a few days ago.
She says she has a boyfriend but is looking for "friendships" and "occasional dick".
Also, when asked by someone on the site if she would sleep with a married man that's cheating on his wife she said, "No because I have enough of my own shit I have to answer for and deal with."
This leads me to believe it's all a secret.
My boyfriend thinks we should stay out of it and mind our own business. That he'll find out eventually, if he doesn't already know and is just accepting it.
My boyfriend works a at place where our friend frequently hosts events. So he doesn't want telling him this to backfire since he works there.
Our friend might stop hosting events all together. Or things might get awkward. Or his girlfriend might show up and cause trouble. Worse case scenario, she tries to physically hurt one of us.
I think we should ask our friend if they're in a monogamous relationship or not first. And if they are monogamous, we should show him her profile and let him know what she's been up to.
I feel strongly that we should tell him because if this happened to me, I would definitely want to know.
We're both completely split, so that's why I need a neutral third party to give us advice.
Should we let our friend know about his girlfriend's behavior, or should we just stay out of it?