I've come out, now what?
For context I'm a 22 year old mtf in america
I think I've known deep down that I was trans, and had been repressing it for years before. I've finally hit the point I couldn't hide from it anymore, but spent some much time trying to deny any sense of self I don't know where to go now. I spent so long trying to be as specifically ungendered (no disrespect to nonbinary people, I just did so out of fear of commitment) and nameless (most of my internet presence is under some form of "no name" or "unnamed"). I would always do as much as I could to be as little of a person as possible, and I don't know how to move forward with being an actual person now. It just always felt like wanting to be a girl was this forbidden thought I couldn't have, so coped by being nobody.
There have been times I've found gender euphoria, signs I've identified, I'm confident enough in being trans that I've realized I can't keep running from it, but now I don't know what to do.
Just coming out and accepting being trans felt like this huge blockage that I needed to just take the plunge to get over, to start the process of getting hrt and coming out to people I know, but it feels like I'm stalling out. I'm exceedingly lucky to be surrounded with people that largely accept me, but I'm struggling to take my place as anything than a non person. I've been privately voice training but haven't pulled myself up to use it with anyone
There have been times I've worn a dress I got as a gift and been happy in it, but have not been able to pull myself to buy anything else for myself. It still feels like something Im ashamed of, even having taken steps to come out. I keep instinctually boymoding in public and see such a vast gap between who I am and who I want to be.
I guess I don't even have a coherent idea of what kind of woman I want to be, I've been fixated enough on the question of being trans or not that I haven't had room to think of who I actually am in specific. I'm sorry this has been so rambly, I guess I'm just asking that for someone who has taken steps to come out to family and friends, and is in the process of procuring hrt, what do I do now? How do I find the kind of person I am? How do I get over being a non person?