u/Jubean97

Hi everyone. So I met this girl at the end of January. She was hired onto my job as a new employee at the smoke shop I work at, she was absolutely beautiful probably the most the beautiful women I’d ever seen. She seemed very charming and alive. Everyone liked her. And I had to the privilege of being on shift with her and training her. I work with almost all women and I always make sure to be kind, respectful and not to flirt, I usually let women make the first move if they like me I’m not the kind guy to make moves on women. So everything was going well for the first two day of her being my coworker. I had a huge crush on her. My boss is a 40 year old Arab man and everyone seems to respect him including myself he’s a very kind man, he would flirt lightly with this girl didn’t seem predatory at all he’s a Arab guy after all.. but the next day she called in quit the job. I was really saddened to hear this news time flew by working with her, she was a lot of fun and I thought she captivating. Apparently she had left cause she believed my boss was some kind of predator. Like I said I work with all women and none of them feel this way about him we all agree he is the best boss we’ve ever had.. this one of the first possible red flags.

I relayed to a coworker at one of are other shops how I was sad to hear her leave and I had a crush on her.. he told me watch out for that girl man she’s crazy, she got one of her other boyfriends sent to jail and she cheated on him with a bunch of other guys. And heard another similar story from another coworker who’s known her since high school. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I thought no one truly knew her and what’s she’s been through. There’s people out there who think I’m not the best either.

Eventually I get in contact with her through Facebook and I told her how I was sad to hear she left, we eventually get to talking and she tells me she’d like to hangout eventually. I was honest with her and told her I don’t have much to offer I’m broke and don’t have a car. And she didn’t care she said we could just stare at a blank wall for all she cares and just talk.. this was kind of a dream come true for me cause she didn’t care that I had nothing.. we go on our first date and immediately fall in love, it was really romantic, I brought her to my best friends bar after we got done cleaning her cloths at a laundry mat. We get to the bar and I introduce her to all my friends, there happened to be pole dancers that night at the bar and they offered to teach people guest some moves, she seemed really excited about it so I encouraged her to get up there and learn some moves, after the lesson the group encouraged the students to try out there dance moves with friends or partners, she ended up giving me a lap dance and it was so much fun! It was truly one of the most memorable first dates I ever had. She really enjoyed her self and I encouraged her to take more lessons, not in a smarmy way or with the intentions of her becoming a stripper but because it also just seemed like a fun hobby. Hell I’ve jumped on stripper pole a few times when I was drunk and it was a blast.. despite its bad reputation. Sorry I’m getting off topic. Either way we fell in love right from our first date and we became inseparable for a whole month. She was seriously my dream girl. Beautiful, charming, loved to have fun, she even met my family and got involved with them pretty quickly.. time went on and everything seemed great she brought me so much joy I never felt this way about anyone ever.. there were moments where I questioned if I knew who she really was but from what she told me she dealt with a lot of trauma in her life. She told me all the sexual and mental abuse she dealt with from her family and past relationship, it seemed like everyone in her life hurt her. And I wanted to be someone who treated her right.. there were moments where she’d get upset with me for little things like accidently changing the songs on the radio or getting mad at me for shutting down when I didn’t want to argue. Also she seemed to have nothing but ill will toward all her exes. I like to say I’m on good terms with most the people I’ve dated even with when relationships that didn’t end well I always try to make an effort to make sure there are no resentments cause I truly do care for everyone I’ve ever been with.. so when she told me she hated all her exes it was kind of a red flag but I knew she’s been through a lot. Also another thing she had no job she got by on social security and lived in apartments meant for people who were struggling with homelessness and mental health issues. She also had bi polar, I think she may have also had bpd.. she also thought there was a man or entity her room which I brushed off as part of her trauma. Fast forward one day she accuses me of cheating on her with my coworker, we had just gotten over a small argument and I put in the work to fix and everything was fine till this.. she believed I was cheating on her because I asked her if she could grab my wallet for me while I was at work cause I wanted to get food and that my coworkers card was in there and I needed to get it back to her. Mind you I work right next to a restaurant and when I was getting food the day before my coworker asked me to get her some food too so I took her card and got her her food on her card and my food on mine and just forgot to give it back to to her afterwards. When I asked my ex about getting the card back I could tell she felt uneasy right away I explained to her the situation and I could tell it didn’t sit right with her. I tried reassuring her but it didn’t work. As I’m at work we start arguing over txt about this whole cheating thing.. I assured her I wasn’t attracted to this woman and that she had a boyfriend and it made things even worse.. I couldn’t say anything right and I honestly felt triggered, it was starting to bring me back to old toxic relationships and I told I couldn’t do this.. I knew I should have ended it there if she couldn’t trust me, but I was conflicted and I told how I felt this was gonna go down a bad path.. we argued and argued over txt I was panicking at work and tried calling her a bunch of times cause I wanted to explain everything. she wouldn’t answer saying I’m freaking her out and scaring her.. she eventually just blocks me on everything and it broke me.. I couldn’t focus at my job at all that day and after I got off I went to the bar at got drunk vented to friends about my broken heart.. eventually I had the dumb drunk idea to go over to her apartment building and knock on her door and begged her to talk to me.. she screamed and seemed really scared yelling at me to leave and that she was gonna call the cops.. I eventually ran back to my car that I was borrowing at the time and drove home.. I stayed up that night crying feeling ashamed of myself calling friends and telling them what I had done.. the cops were knocking at my door and luckily none of my family answers so they left.. the next day my best friend gets ahold of me and told me she came by his bar and told him and my friends about what had happened. He said her family wanted her to file a restraining order against me and he told me it didn’t seem like she wanted to.. I was also told by another friend that they over saw a text from another friend who had been talking to her that said she still loved me. It gave me some hope.

Eventually I realized she hadn’t blocked me on Spotify cause she had sent me some songs a few weeks prior to all this. I knew it wasn’t a good idea but I decided to message her and tell her how sorry I was and that what I did was unforgivable, cause I know she’s been through a lot, and I don’t want to hurt her like everyone else does.. I know she probably assumed the worst from my actions. I told her even if it wasn’t healthy for us to be together romantically that I still cared for her and wanted the best for her even if I wasn’t in the picture. She ended up texting me back which I did not expect. And she said some of the most hurtful things I’d ever heard from anyone ever.. she said she’d talked to some of my friends and they told her I was a womanizer and that I seek women to hurt them.. they told her about my past relationships that didn’t go well, (side note) I’ve told her about these relationship when we first met and I told her I wasn’t perfect, I’ve fucked a lot of things in my life and it haunts me and I told I never wanted to do that her.. I told her all that early on in our relationship when we started to get really close because I wanted to be transparent with her about who I was, she didn’t seem to have a problem with it than.. but now she was throwing all of it in my face.. telling me things like how I was psychopath, a narcissist and that I was gonna find another girl to wrap around my finger so I could hurt them and that none of my friends like me and they all think I’m a piece of shit.. this seriously fucked me up bad. no one has ever said anything like that to me.. it made me question my whole identity and the self image I had of myself.. she told me to leave her alone and that she was gonna file a restraining order. I told her that I would leave her alone.. 2 days past and I get the restraining order from a police officer at work. As I read through it she mentions everything I just explained to all of you. But then I read more, and I start seeing accusations of choking her out during sex despite her tapping out and making her black out.. saying things like I was gonna abuse my cat, That I’m a predator and she’s scared for her life. Saying I was trying to ram her door down when I went to her aparment and damaging her car as-well..

this whole thing destroyed me. I loved this girl with all my heart and now I was just another person who hurt like everyone else. And she would say anything even if it was a lie to protect herself.. when I had the court hearing I didn’t try to fight it.. I did deny the false accusations. But accepted the restraining order cause I want her to feel safe and to have peace of mind cause I know she’s fucked up and I know everyone has hurt her.. and she assumed the worst.. I love this girl deeply despite trying to defame me.. cause I know she’s suffered.. I just hope one day she’ll realize I’m on her side and never wanted to hurt her.. I don’t want to imagine her hating me forever.. even the judge found the whole thing sad. It’s hard for me to write about this but thank you if you read this all the way through, also sorry I’m not a very good writer. If anyone wants me to elaborate more on certain details feel free to ask. I’m just looking for some comfort after this reality twisting event.