I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for over 4.5 years, and I’m starting to feel really confused and honestly hurt about where we stand.
We’ve talked a lot over the years about getting engaged, married, and having a family. He’s expressed that he wants me to take his last name, be a wife, and build that kind of future together. But when it comes down to actually talking about it seriously or asking for clarity, things go downhill fast.
If we have even a small disagreement, he’ll say things like, “You want me to propose to you when you act like this?” It feels like he holds marriage over my head and uses it as leverage instead of something we’re working toward together.
Recently, I tried to have a calm conversation and asked him what he actually wants for the future, just so I could feel like we’re on the same page. Instead of answering, he got angry and said, “I’m not answering these f***ing questions,” and then ignored me for days.
I’m struggling to understand how someone can talk so much about wanting a future with me but then shut down or blame me the moment I try to get clarity. It makes everything feel really uncertain and one-sided.
Am I asking for too much by wanting clear communication about our future? Or is this a red flag that I shouldn’t ignore?
TL;DR- I’ve (25F) been with my boyfriend (27M) for 4.5 years and we’ve talked a lot about marriage and a future together. But whenever I try to have a serious conversation about where we’re headed, he gets angry, refuses to answer, or ignores me for days. He also uses comments about proposing as leverage during arguments. I’m starting to feel confused and unsure am I asking for too much, or is this a sign of a bigger issue?