u/Jumpy-Bat2355

hi,

im going to try to be very honest in this post. I’m a 18 year old girl, so yes I’m still very young but I have been really conflicted in my faith for a bit now. a few years ago I used to share my faith on social media I got thousands of followers and everything, I was doing great in life… then I started to be online more and I started to watch p*rn and masterbate. so this distanced my relationship with God and I had less faith, I was focusing more on my disgusting flesh desires. then I started posting my body online more and my flesh really liked how people would praise how I looked. as a girl who has struggled with isolation and loneliness since she was born, this made me ”happy” because I have always craved validation for some reason. I questioned my past and questioned if I ever really did have a real relationship with God, am I really saved? I got saved at 12 years old but that’s only because I grew up in a Christian household. you can tell me the gospel a million times but I already know it because I’ve been told it so much growing up, I’m just so numb to everything related to Christianity now. Last year, I also went through a breakup and I thought I was going to marry this guy, I still think God might bring us back together. we broke up a year ago and I still think about him everyday, we broke up because I messed the relationship up and I made a mistake that hurt us both in the end. so we both got really hurt and suicidal so we broke up after I hurt him. I almost km many times and started to struggle with sh and I just wanted to hurt myself because I hated myself, I can’t ever do anything right. this caused me to get into witchcraft which scared me some at some points because it showed me how real the spiritual world is. I struggle with a couple other things I don’t wanna talk about, but I genuinely just feel stuck. No matter how much I wanna believe in God it feels like I can’t, i know I’ll lust again if I do because my body and nervous system is obviously addicted. So yeah, I just am kind of giving up on believing if I’m honest.

i haven't been scheduled in around 4 weeks I thought it was because they got new employees and I just noticed today I got logged out of HotSchedules and can't log back in. I tried dming someone on Slack but they haven’t answered it’s been 2 days. I would put my 2 weeks notice in but they probably won’t answer that too. I would call the store but I just feel embarrassed at this point I don’t even know why, I didnt get fired I don’t think though because I always got told I did a good job and people seemed to like me and then they started scheduling me less then it just got to this. I was wanting to put my 2 weeks notice in soon too but I’m afraid they won’t even respond.

Am I still active on the schedule?

-madi