What do I do to now.?
I'm f14 I have a gf who is also f14, I had a friend M16 that reached out to me on a dc server (lf friends).
I'm sorry if this is long ...
Our first convo was about his relationship, ofc even though he was a stranger I already treated him as a friend of mine. He was a really nice person, has his own judgement and doesn't let others opinions really touch him. I noticed he's quite a bit distant and dry, no matter how much I hate dry texters, I was surprised I could kind of talk to him. I couldn't understand him wholely but I can tell he's expressing himself the very best. He didn't want to like vm or I vm and vc. It was a bit of a challenge but it was a change of pace for me, I mostly avoid dry people but I knew he was really interested in being friends so it went smoothly! I mostly gotta give him questions and assume what he feels. After a week of our friendship he said that I was his only friend, I felt bad and sad so I decided that we become best friends. He agreed, he then told me if I could help him find a bf for him, ofc I helped. We also played Roblox but then stopped since Roblox updated now we can't play.
It was after that day everything felt weird, we talked less and less. I felt off throughout those days, it's like something was wrong so I reached out to him if he was fine and all. He said he was tired and I thought yk oh he must need some space so I let him be. That same day I wrote a journal, something might've happened or he feels down. After three days, I was right. It was the night where he told me he wanted to die and getting ready to die, I don't know how to control a situation like this. I cried while trying to calm him down, I was panicking making him stay and not even leave our chat. He tells me about his life, how he's being treated and his state while there's still an ongoing war. Is it selfish to just want him to stay? I was willing to help him get through it as long as he'll stay. He then confessed to me that he liked me, liked me romantically even when he knows I have a gf. I was glad he told me but at the same time I was heartbroken, knowing that he just fell in love with me because I'm the only one he has. I didn't know what to do but still convince him to stay through the night and he did, he resisted. But there was this guilt in me if I was cheating on my gf emotionally, I was in this situation before but not where there one wrong move from dying.
The next day, thank God he was still alive but he still wanted to die. That night he wanted me to find someone most likely a replacement of me under in 2 hours, which was impossible. I didn't want to find for him anymore because even if I do I'll find the wrong person, it'll just make him worse. I tried talking to him again to not do it, as long as I'm still here I'll help you out. I'll go through with you and have other people support you too, leave your environment and get better. But he didn't want to he wanted to end his suffering and I just can't do it, I don't want to lose someone like this. I couldn't stay with him through it, I failed, I failed. He said to give up, wished me a good life and said sorry for disappointing me. I broke down, I don't want to be there in his death, I didn't reply back and deleted my dc acc. I messed up, I messed up, I don't know if he's still alive and just a bluff like a test, I wish it was I wish it was I hope God I wish it was I don't want him dead that's the least thing I want, if something was different I could've still saved him. It's my fault. It's my fault. I still feel this responsibility of not forgetting him, I don't know what he looks like or sound like but I still cared. I didn't mind if we both stay anonymous but have each others back, he was like my little brother. I just wanted to help but I feel like I caused his demise but I didn't, it hurts. I hope he's alive...