u/Jumpy-Froyo-5334

It is only me that can’t give the proper value to a, either dangerous or normal, situations unless I find myself in it? I understand that part of this experience could be due to a lack of affective empathy, but for example to me words has almost no meaning. Whether you are talking about flowers or terrorism, to me is the same, I just pretend the reaction. Even if someone would tell me that tomorrow a tsunami will hit my house, I would still react logically and calmly. Sometimes instead react really calmly if the problem doesn’t involve a direct social confrontation or if the situation is completely reversible. Sometimes instead I don’t give a f about it simply because I don’t understand the consequences or at least are obfuscated. Other times I avoid to face my errors by denying consequences (apparently). Other times I can worry about something only if I force my mind to think and materialize the consequences of a behavior or an action. Has someone of you experienced something similar? It is detachment? stupidity? Superficiality? Neurodivergence? Trauma? A mix of all of these?

Another note I would add: before the canonic narcissistic collapse, I was really and profoundly naive about social dynamics (After the collapse I started to connect the dots and develope a sort of cognitive empathy thanks to tv series, that I watch compulsively and observation) and physical consequences of actions, at the point that sometimes I could have ended really hurted, but this happened even if I am rationally aware of the consequences. It’s like I don’t trust my knowledge or others knowledge unless I experience the behavior, and sometimes I even tend to repeat it.

I clearly remember that in my childhood I actively, constantly tried to know how to treat with my peers. Every time I had to change my classmates I would sum up all the dynamics I mapped out from the observations I made, but every time they didn’t work and I ended up mocked. I started to think that I wasn’t intelligent enough to interact with my peers. Maybe it was just immaturity due to the trauma or something else or I really was an idiot.

Those who have narcissism lack the wiring to understand others situations or emotions. I think is reasonable to be afraid to interact with others, especially if you are self-monitoring, because you could be exposed since you know that your expressions and body language will likely contradict what you’ll say.

I have noticed that in my life I’ve never been curious in the way my peers were. Lately, this conclusion led me to extreme sadness and frustration because I learned that a lack of curiosity is associated with a lack of general intelligence. I don’t have any interest in learning about the world or collecting information, unless it’s strictly useful to me or my temporary obsessions hit me. Only lately I developed some sort of curiosity, but a passive curiosity since I read random information from my instagram feed (I follow several informative pages) but I don’t feel I should go deep, it’s like I am satisfied of know something just to the surface. I can go very deep only if I have someone to confront with and so if I am (according to my mind) challenged. Every time I face something I might be interested in, I feel a sense of temporary euphoria then vanishing, that come back sometimes in my life. For example, at 15 I started questioning my mental health after a depressive episode, but after 2 years I ignored it until my recent collapse. It's like I'm being pushed by the current, and this is the way it works with everything, I do something or research about something only in “urgent” situations. I also noticed that I can’t produce some sort of complexity in my environment. I see my peers having their rooms rich of items and stories about them, I see them doing many things that I couldn’t think to do. Based on their rich print on their environment I can assume that it is an expression of their emotions, something I don’t experience (apart from rage, sadness, and happiness peaks, the rest of the time there’s void). Even their outfits are rich in details and they seem so open, fearless of the world. I would like to be this capable of externalize my inner world so boldly and consistently. Maybe my brain is naturally empty, and npd isn’t the cause

Isn’t it hypocritical to love a singer that show heavy narcissistic traits, and at the same time being so into the thing of “protect my peace”, “evil narcissists” etc.? Like people thinking that singers who show traits of vulnerable narcissism and search for approval, and maybe that make a lot of charity to gain admiration and feel superior than others (I don’t give name of some of those singers) are just people who wants to be heard and understood, I find it ironic. It’s frustrating because I have the same traits but if people would know me they would hate me, but at the same time they love performers who have clearly the same traits.