It’s been a year and two months now but I'm still sad..
My ex dumped me a year and two months ago. We were together for more than 10 years, so I come here often rather than to breakup threads, because I can relate more to couples who were in long-term relationships.
I haven’t been the easiest person to my ex throughout the process. I begged him to stay and told him I would change, but by then he had already checked out emotionally. As soon as I moved out of “our” home — legally and emotionally — which was about 5 months post-breakup, he started bringing around his coworker and began a new relationship.
It’s been a year and two months now. I thought I would feel okay after a year, but the truth is, tears still burst out of nowhere during the day. It’s such a weird feeling. Yeah, I feel much better than last year. I was a complete mess back then. I don’t cry uncontrollably anymore like I did before, but these tears… this sadness… this void still hasn’t been filled.
I’m active in my daily life, trying to stay productive and healthy. But what is this feeling? Why am I still sad? I’m not even mad at him for abandoning me, moving on so fast, or enjoying his life with a new girlfriend. It’s more like… sadness. The warmth, connection, and trust are gone. I’m all on my own.
I moved to a new country to be with him, so I don’t have a lot of friends or family here. That doesn’t mean I want to jump into a new relationship. I want to be by myself and still feel content, confident, and happy. I meet my friends often, work out a lot, and do hobbies, but why do I still feel this way? (I tried a dating app just out of curiosity, but it wasn’t fun at all. If anything, it proved even more that I’m not ready for a new relationship yet.)
It’s even worse when the weather is beautiful — sunny days, flowers blooming. Sometimes a moment hits me and I suddenly feel tears coming. Tears of liberation, freedom, relief, fear, loneliness, and sadness all mixed together. I can’t even pinpoint which feeling weighs more than the others but probably the latter ones..
Can someone please give me some kind words? And if anyone has been in my position, could you share your story and how you coped with these feelings? Thank you all.