Been dating 3 years. Long story short, gf has never been a believer. I have recently returned to Catholicism. She mocks my faith. She's lazy, messy and disrespectful of my leadership often. Her relationship with her family is in tatters (maybe not so much her fault than her parents. Who are divorced). We've been living together 1.5 years. However, it wasn't always so negative.
She is hilarious, a great companion, friend, beautiful, extremely caring / gifted with other people's kids. We have similar tastes in music and media. She very cuddly and attached. But the dynamic has shifted to where I almost feel like a damn parent now.
But she had a few tragedies a year ago. Miscarriage of twins. A huge fallout immediately afterwards with her mother and sister. Haven't patched up since. She really only has me and her dog (who I love). She's slowly slid into a bout of depression / anhedonia where she spends 90% of her life in bed reading and barely doing her job. Every little task is like a mountain now. But she refuses to see the issue or ask for help or speak to a professional. It's driven me mad at times. We've had big arguments.
On top of that she's made threats about hindering my desire to lead our potential kids to Christ. There seems to be a stubborn thing in her where she won't fully submit to my leadership. Despite me being a classic breadwinner, homeowner, provider, tall, successful etc. but it feels like I can't win beyond a certain point.
Despite everything...all the pain and drama, I just can't seem to pull the trigger and leave her...ask her to move out. Am I paralysed by pity? I'm definitely scared of being alone and single again at 35. She's 26. I don't know what it is. My logical brain sees the issues. But my heart becomes ripped apart thinking about ending everything. Our life, all the potential, my vision I once had. All gone?