I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) for 6 years. Around year 5, I broke up with him for about 4 months because I felt constantly ignored and uncared for. He would barely listen when I spoke, I’d have to repeat myself multiple times, and he often made me feel like I wasn’t important to him. He also told me he didn’t want me coming out drinking with him because that time was for “the boys,” and that I could just see him on weekends instead.
While we were apart, I found out he had been dealing and using drugs. Even though I was heartbroken, I still missed him, and we eventually got back together. Since then, things honestly feel worse.
One of the biggest problems is trust. He has continued to lie to me about using drugs, and I constantly worry about him. I’ve even started going out when he does because I don’t trust what he’s doing anymore, and later I usually find out he was using again. He recently started antidepressants, and when he stops taking them, he becomes really angry, nasty, and emotionally cold. He doesn’t seem to understand how much it affects both him and our relationship.
The main issue is that I feel like he doesn’t care about me emotionally the way he cares about his friends. Whenever I’m upset, anxious, or feeling low, he says he “doesn’t know what to say” and gives me nothing emotionally. But, if one of his friends is struggling, he immediately checks on them, supports them, and makes sure they’re okay.
I feel like I’m always getting broken promises, little effort, and no emotional support. He also recently told me that he feels like he never gets time to himself, even though most nights we just sit on call quietly because I enjoy his company.
I genuinely can’t tell anymore if I’m asking for too much or if my feelings are valid.
Am I the arsehole for feeling hurt that my boyfriend seems to care more about his friends than me and for wanting more emotional support from him?