I (m, 33) need to decompress from what feels like minor abuse and being ignored from my other half (f,31)
This mighy be a rant that goes no where or mean anything. I just need a way to let out stream of consciousness style because I have no one to talk too… feel free to roast I guess. Idk.
TLDR: my life feels Like it sucks so bad right now and my missus is ignoring me/emotionally unavailable.
so here goes. been together 8 years, bought a house end of last year. pets, no kids.
for context, I paid for the deposit, wanted something newer (but it’s a huge risk buying new where I’m from due to bad workmanship plaguing the cons industy). so the missus pushed for a old, asbestos filled place with none of the basic modern stuff we’re used to in our old rental (she got me to agree to the place saying we can renovate it). so I started trying to fix it all, adding quality of life improvements, investing in minor renovations. but probably spent too much the past 2 months on that. will pump the breaks by end of this month. I’ll still have savings left over but would have gone slightly over budget on the last two projects.
anyhow, this ties in to the fact that my partner doesn’t give a rats ass about anything I wanna do to the place.
she doesn’t care about design choices, cost of the job (cause I’ve been absorbing it all so far).
i just ended up having to do it all. she’s been avoiding chats about sharing costs or even wanting to do certain things.
yes she does the chores, but here I am also doing minor renovations myself. dealing with 50 years of landlord specials. and organizing workers. while she’s just… pretended she’s a renter here?
to top it all. she started becoming obsessed with a particular pop group last year and has spent so much of her disposable income on flying to see their concerts like every 3 months. she’s ignored me for them for months. Even my siblings are like “wtf? Don’t you have home stuff to pay for?”
now, work recently hit rock bottom. some shit went down, doesn’t directly impact me. but brought up a heck of a lot of trauma from my life. Basically, I was in the room for one of the worst workplace conflicts I’ve ever seen and experienced… involves rage quitting, manipulation by the quitter, my boss now being worried for his job (which by the way, we all have his back). Anyways, that shit was on par with my broken family upbringing. so yes lots of PTSD was triggered. so I’ve been very on edge since then. I tried ranting to my partner about it and was told to shut up and let it go and leave it at work... I tried my best to “leave it at work” and I think that’s making me be this on edge grumpy ass fuck I am. I’m also less tolerant of my missus’s “I don’t really care” attitude to the whole house renovations now.
i basically snapped/full on ignored her today, when she went off about how I was in a hurry, yet chose to wait 15 minutes to order a particular meal I really wanted to enjoy. she proceeded to give me a cold shoulder. following that, i went off to get more supplies for our second last home Reno project and I returned to her being more calm.
so I took the chance to try to ask her about the last “nice to have, might as well just bite the bullet and improve our lives now project” (while the others were actually needed). But… I don’t know. Something just snapped in me when I ask, and I just went full passive aggrisve and said “I know the answer is that you don’t care. But really, do you want any say in the design for this project?“ that of course led to a massive ignore the bad guy session. Of which is still going on.
Yeah… I don’t know anymore. Life sucks, I spent a lot of money on a place I didn’t want, my partner has basically chosen to ignore me and I fucking stayed in this shit town for her (leaving my friends behind in my hometown) oh and my workplace is bringing out some good old PTSD…