AITAH for ceasing contact with friend after personal boundary and work boundary crossed?
Hi - I work in mental health and about 4 months ago a friend from 20 years ago rang me out of the blue and told me he was homeless and needed help.
I rang him and we spoke and I suggested he attends the service I work at to get support (not from me but from other staff due to conflict of interest).
Fast forward to the last week he has been engaging and actively working on himself - however still very mentally unwell. He asked me (socially) about trying magic mushrooms and I suggested it was not a wise choice until he had been clinically assessed (I work in alcohol and drugs and mental health).
Last week he offered and I accepted his support with an appointment I had to attend that I felt I needed someone with. The following day I asked, as a favour, if he would help tidying my apartment up (he’s slept on the sofa a few times now it’s cold).
When I came home from work he had gone over and above which was wonderful but not expected or asked. But I did give him cash to help him out due to how much he helped.
At the weekend, where I see my girlfriend for a few days I have strict boundaries around who visits and what commitments we make due to minimal time we have together. He knows this.
On Saturday he txt and asked if he could come and eat breakfast at my place and my girlfriend and I agreed it was fine. Except once he ate, he wouldn’t leave. He kept talking about how he helped me during the week which was super traumatic for me and that was the last thing I needed to rehear after it was dealt with. I asked him several times what he was doing today and lightly suggesting that he needed to go. He still wouldn’t.
I ended up getting quite anxious and annoyed and overwhelmed by it so I shut down and cuddled up to my girlfriend who took the lead and got him out eventually.
That day a load of Amazon packages showed up on my porch for him - bearing in mind this guy is not working and is sleeping in his car - so that kind of annoyed me but I let it go. He text me the next morning, again, asking if he could come over to eat breakfast and I I said no. As I was heading out that night to a gig I txt and said he could come grab his packages etc.
Yesterday, at work, where I have given him a clear boundary that I’m not his friend or support there and he has other staff to speak to, he kept trying to get my attention and eventually I had to move away.
He then spoke to one of our doctors and informed her he’d purchased some magic mushrooms and he was planning on taking them with me. This is not a conversation we had ever had and in addition, I’m in recovery from addiction and keep my distance socially from substance use for my own personal boundaries.
Because he said this, the doctor spoke to me and told me and I said “he said what?!” And immediately went and informed my manager about it and stated I had no idea what he was talking about. Given that kind of thing is a MASSIVE issue for any worker if a client was taking any substances in their presence- he actively said I would be there with him which breached his privacy and made me look like someone who was actively supporting this situation when I’m not.
I was quite upset about it and said I would speak to him then and there and my boss said to leave it and she would manage it. However as I drove home I was getting angrier so I txt her and explained I needed to set a boundary with him that he’s not to come to my place at all as a result because I’m not ok with that at all. Equally it could and still may cost me my job.
My boss said normally we would manage in work but given I was concerned for my own health and safety that it was fine to contact him and set the boundaries. Which I did. I’ll be honest I was quite harsh with him but at the end of the day he really had made a huge error that could gravely effect my career, in addition to the boundary pushing at the weekend.
I told him no more hanging out at my place and not to contact or speak to me for the time being because of his actions. On the call he denied saying it however the doctor and I are good friends and I know she wouldn’t lie so he blatantly was which infuriated me more.
I ended the call confirming he understood and he said yes and I hung up.
Today is my 6 year anniversary of recovery and I now have this hanging over my head going into work today but I feel like I did the correct thing for me and distanced myself.
Am I the asshole?