Physical Attraction Advice
Salaam,
I met someone on Reddit with the intention of marriage Alhumdulillah. I value their character and personality, their effort in messages and their outlook on marriage and wife/family. From the beginning they have been serious about contacting my father for my hand. However, this was before we exchanged pictures or have seen each other in person.
We exchanged pictures 4 days after we started messaging (we’ve messaged for just over a week now). At this stage, I felt he was ‘the one’ because of his character and being a genuine man, given how inappropriate men can be on dating apps or when talking in general. There’s a good distance between his home and my family home, but I was willing to accept this given his character and the man I was learning he was.
Unfortunately, on exchanging pictures, he wasn’t my type and I don’t feel physically attracted to him. I have not told him this or ended things because I feel drawn strongly to his character. Having messaged for hours each day within those 4 days before exchanging pictures, this definitely improved my attraction to his physical appearance (for example, instead of being a complete no based on looks, I think there is some slight physical attraction there because of his character but still not my type). Hence, I did not end things because I am hoping the physical attraction can grow more.
I do not want to lead him on (I was reserved in my reply to his picture to maintain modesty and an appropriate boundary but was polite). I am not superficial and shallow hence I don’t want to say no purely on looks as ultimately I will spend my life with his character as appearance changes with age. However, I do not wish for it to affect intimacy (although I think his character again will somewhat make up for this but there is still a physical attraction aspect of intimacy and not just the emotional). And part of me does question if I may find someone closer to my parents’ home who has similar character and values, who I am physically attracted to. Am I choosing this man with good character that I am not physically overwhelmed by simply because the men I’ve come across are often boys unable to control themselves? Or is this man the commodity my heart also wishes to believe he is?
I also believe that maybe there’s a trade off? My physical ‘type’ often doesn’t have such character like this man does and perhaps with that difference in looks often comes more arrogance or other challenges in one’s character. So maybe this is also why I’m willing to look beyond physical attraction?
Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated!