r/muslimgirlsgetmarried

I met a man whom I found to be suitable for marriage we both like each other and are like minded when it comes to raising a family religion and I’ve learned so much religion thanks to him because he explains things to me so patiently. In his family the mother is the one who seeks a wife and she has began looking for him but when he brought me up his mom didn’t agree because I’m a convert and she fears the upbringing of her grandchildren by growing with non Muslim influences such as my family. I’m very heartbroken because I genuinely want to marry this man and in my opinion those influences are everywhere and my mom has agreed to not get involved into my children religion or beliefs and to respect it, am I in the wrong? How can I further reassure her to have her acceptance? I’m really heartbroken because I’ve never felt as happy and comfortable with a man as I do with him her concerns are real and valid but I genuinely feel looked down upon for being a convert I’ve always wished for my own Muslim family so I wouldn’t play around with that I wouldn’t let anyone influence my kids, I’m family oriented and all I wish is a family with a good man

I want to convince my parents that i want to get engaged with a 21m who is not a college student while they re so strict about education .the man is hardworking and already has a stable job with a good potential but still my parents will totally refuse did anyone have a similar experience

\*Reposting because I think I put it in the wrong thing\*

Salam Alaikum everyone,

I am a 25 year old medical student going to school in the Caribbeans. While I was here I was minding my own damn business keeping my head down for the time that I have been here so far and all of a sudden this woman appears in my life. We started talking for a while and we get to know each other and I think nothing of it. A mutual friend informed me of her feelings for me and I since then I have been trying to converse with her in the correct way because I don’t want to do this wrong. I have briefly spoken to her parents and decided to soft launch it to my mother and told a little bit about her including the fact that she is 30. My mother immediately shot it down saying “it’s not a match”. I am distraught as I love this girl so much and she does make me so happy and I just want to do things right and I don’t understand why it’s such a bad thing. I have done istikhaara and she is still in my life. I don’t understand. I was minding my own business not trying to talk to any females and the minute Allah brings one into my life I am now being told this won’t work because of her age.

Our prophet PBUH married someone who was older than him and he loved her so much. I need advice on what would be the right thing to do. And also what is the right way to think about it. I’d appreciate any help you can give.

[removed]

Hi guys, so my cousin has been in talks with a potential girl (arranged marriage) and they met around 4 months ago. Since then progress has been really slow from the girls family side.

Their main excuse has been that the older son recently got married. But even since then they have been really slow to progress with their daughters wedding planning.

Now my cousin is feeling in limbo and not sure if it is because she's changed her mind or the family are in reality not keen.

It could be because of all the expenditure of the sons wedding, but they just seem to be moving really slowly and avoiding any progress, but at the same time insist they want to go ahead.

I had a love marriage so this is all new to me, I just feel sorry for my cousin as he's a good guy and wanted to to do things as halal as possible.

How can I advise him? Has anyone been in the same situation before? Should be wait or move on? (P.s be does really like her)

Thanks guys

I’m F26 Pakistani. When I was 22, I had a marriage with my cousin without my consent because he wanted the visa and stuff. We didn’t get along, and eventually I took khula from the court.
Now I want to remarry. My parents say that this time I can marry anyone, but he has to be Pakistani. I understand that they want me to marry someone from our culture, but I have an interest in marrying outside my culture, of course still Muslim.
Because of everything that happened with my first marriage, my mental health has also gone bad. I just want to move on with my life, get married to someone I actually choose, and start a family.
But my parents are still not supportive of me marrying someone from outside our culture. I don’t want to disrespect them or go against them, but at the same time, I feel like this is my life and I should be able to choose who I marry, especially after what happened with my first marriage.
What should I do in this situation? Has anyone been through something similar, especially Pakistani/Muslim women who wanted to marry outside their culture?

I have been dating this guy who is Uzbekistan/Turkish and is Muslim. While I am Filipino/Chinese and is Catholic. We have been dating for 6 months so far. And he has met quite a lot of my family and friends already. As I have met his close friends and his roomates. The issues I have faced so far dating him is that even though we have dated for 6 month we're still not official. Due to his side he is dealing with trying to get his visa approved again, as well due to our culture/religion differences he is having a hard time deciding to make our relationship official. His parents doesn't even know about me and wants him to move back home to Uzbekistan. On top of that they have been searching for someone for him to marry with the stuff they approve on. (Same religion and similar culture background.) As I get to know about his culture the more I get frustrated. Like all I could see it is so old school minded and it also favor the male gender. Plus the culture is quite toxic for they are not that much forgiving as well very judgemental. He also told me that the people there tend to hope/pray for other people's downfall. I ask him how can he be okay with this. His answer was that what he is grew up with and that he is used to it. And that he just wants to do what makes his family happy. I ask him what if our situations has switched. Like he has to change everything about himself and have so submit to me would he be okay with it. He said no. So I said then how are you okay with asking someone to do that for you. His answer is that's just how his culture is. So I asked him then why not try to be the change and try to break this old fashion way of tradition lifestyle? I don't know am I being to helpless with this relationship? Like we are completely fine when we just date and get to know each as normal human beings. But we talk about those details things go downhill. I honestly really want this relationship to work since I have grown to care for him. But is this relationship just a waste of time? Like should I just give up and be solely just friends with him? I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Please any advice will help. Thank you.

Assalamu Alaikum. For those living in the U.S., what has your experience been finding a spouse while trying to keep things halal?
I’m trying my best to follow my deen and stay away from haram relationships, but being single and dealing with loneliness and temptation can be difficult. How did you eventually meet your spouse or potential?
Also, how common are interracial/intercultural Muslim marriages here? My family and I are open to any race, nationality, or culture, including reverts. For me, deen, character, compatibility, and attraction matter more than ethnicity.
Would love to hear your experiences and advice.

Salaam,

I met someone on Reddit with the intention of marriage Alhumdulillah. I value their character and personality, their effort in messages and their outlook on marriage and wife/family. From the beginning they have been serious about contacting my father for my hand. However, this was before we exchanged pictures or have seen each other in person.

We exchanged pictures 4 days after we started messaging (we’ve messaged for just over a week now). At this stage, I felt he was ‘the one’ because of his character and being a genuine man, given how inappropriate men can be on dating apps or when talking in general. There’s a good distance between his home and my family home, but I was willing to accept this given his character and the man I was learning he was.

Unfortunately, on exchanging pictures, he wasn’t my type and I don’t feel physically attracted to him. I have not told him this or ended things because I feel drawn strongly to his character. Having messaged for hours each day within those 4 days before exchanging pictures, this definitely improved my attraction to his physical appearance (for example, instead of being a complete no based on looks, I think there is some slight physical attraction there because of his character but still not my type). Hence, I did not end things because I am hoping the physical attraction can grow more.

I do not want to lead him on (I was reserved in my reply to his picture to maintain modesty and an appropriate boundary but was polite). I am not superficial and shallow hence I don’t want to say no purely on looks as ultimately I will spend my life with his character as appearance changes with age. However, I do not wish for it to affect intimacy (although I think his character again will somewhat make up for this but there is still a physical attraction aspect of intimacy and not just the emotional). And part of me does question if I may find someone closer to my parents’ home who has similar character and values, who I am physically attracted to. Am I choosing this man with good character that I am not physically overwhelmed by simply because the men I’ve come across are often boys unable to control themselves? Or is this man the commodity my heart also wishes to believe he is?

I also believe that maybe there’s a trade off? My physical ‘type’ often doesn’t have such character like this man does and perhaps with that difference in looks often comes more arrogance or other challenges in one’s character. So maybe this is also why I’m willing to look beyond physical attraction?

Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated!

I posted here last week about how my mother in law was controlling my marriage and manipulating my husband. She would keep reminding him of my faults, flaws, telling him that I wasn’t a good wife, a good person, a good daughter in law. I lost respect for my husband for enabling it, for sometimes supporting his mother, and not protecting me. I never swore, shouted or hit him. But I lost respect.

Last night, he divorced me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel numb, scared, broken. I hate her.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/s/baogWkegEk

Im 21F , i grew up in a western country with almost no muslims around , in my early teenage years i fell into haram . Zina , going to parties , drinking etc..
I wasn’t “religious “ at all , i had to find islam on my own , even though i was born muslim . I have repented sincerely so many times and completely changed , i feel like a completely different person.
I am very ashamed of my past and i carry a lot of guilt and i haven’t forgiven myself for it . I feel “ less than “ . I’ve had my sibling use my past against me , people i trusted exposing my sins to men i don’t even know and talking about me .
Three years ago , I was in the process of getting to know someone and i didn’t tell him about everything , he eventually found out and it completely ruined things . My intention wasn’t to deceive him , i didn’t want to be judged for things i would never do again and i was embarrassed about myself tbh .
Where do i go from here ? what do i do if im getting to know someone for marriage? how much do i tell them? how could i ever trust someone with my past knowing they won’t tell other people ?
I also don’t want to marry someone knowing they don’t know everything about me as i feel like that’s unfair for them .

Assalamu Alaikum everyone,I’ve been sitting with these thoughts for a while and I just need to get them out there to see if anyone else feels the same way or has actually done this. I’m 18, about to start college for biological sciences (pre-dental track!), and honestly, my head is spinning with all the "what-ifs" regarding my future.Lately, I’ve been dreaming up a very specific marriage scenario, and I want to know if it’s realistic or just a fantasy. I know I’m young, but I feel like I have so much love and energy to give, and I’m tired of the "talking stage" games or feeling like I have to compromise my values just to feel wanted.The Vision: Nikkah Early, Move In LaterMy ideal situation would be to get the Nikkah done early—like, while I’m still in the thick of college. I want it to be 100% halal and official, but I don’t want to move in together right away.I want that "young couple energy." I want to be able to go on dates, hold hands, and spend time together without the constant anxiety of "is this okay?" or "who’s watching?" I love the idea of us having our own little world—almost like we’re "sneaking around" in the best way possible, because even though our parents know we’re married, they don’t need to know every single detail of our lives or what happens behind closed doors.Why I want this:The "Electric" Connection: I don’t want an arranged marriage. I want that undeniable, electric feeling where you just know he’s your person. I want a love story that feels like it belongs to me, not one that was written for me by my family.Halal Fun: I’m starting college and I want to experience that phase of life with someone by my side. I want the excitement of a relationship—the late-night texts, the fun dates, the "honeymoon phase"—but I want it to be protected by the deen.Building Together: We’re both young, so we can figure out the "real world" stuff (finances, housing, career) together as we go. I’m already working and saving up for my first car, so I’m not looking for someone to take care of me—I’m looking for a partner to grow with.Protecting my Heart: Honestly, I’ve struggled with insecurities and feeling "unchosen" in the past. I’ve spent a lot of time making Dua and praying Tahajjud for a serious, committed partner who sees my worth. I’m saving all of myself for my husband, and I want that choice to be celebrated and respected.The Reality CheckI live in a pretty strict household, and I know my parents might find this concept a bit weird. They’re used to the traditional "get married and move out immediately" route. But I feel like this middle ground would give me the freedom I crave while staying grounded in my faith.I’m not looking for a shortcut or an escape; I’m looking for a love that feels like home. I want to be someone’s "person" while I’m still young enough to enjoy the chaos of being 18, 19, and 20.My questions for you all:Has anyone here done a Nikkah but lived apart for a year or two? How did it affect your relationship?How did you bring this up to your parents without them thinking you’re just "rushing into things"?Is it possible to find a guy who is actually down for this? I want someone who wants me, not just the idea of being married.I’m trying to be gentler with myself and trust that Allah has a plan, but sometimes the wait feels so long. I’m just a girl in the Arizona heat, working my shifts at Burlington, practicing my parallel parking, and praying for a love that’s worth the wait.Would love to hear your thoughts or stories. Please be kind!

Salam! F 25, married to M 28, for 2 years

So my mom has this habit of asking me about how my periods are going, etc. I told her that I haven’t gotten mine yet ( I’m a month late with a negative test) and she got super mad at me that I didn’t tell her? I told her that telling her these things wasn’t necessary, and she got really mad at me for it. I’m just trying to understand if I’m supposed to share these things with her. Yes in the past I would, but that’s because I was single, and those concerns were valid, but now that I’m married.. it feels unnecessary to tell her everything.. idk am I in the wrong here?

Hi everyone I’m just a bit tired from everything I’m always the one to worry about others but when I’m stressed or sad nobody recognises me I just feel very alone even with friends or family I wish I had a husband that recognised that instead of ignoring my feelings or just downplaying them I highly doubt there’s anyone there for me? I’ve always been alone alot of the times and the marriages that I have seen have just been horrible there’s no love just abuse and endless duties I don’t see the point of a marriage like that but I feel like it’s an inescapable fate for me I don’t think naseebs or love is real I’ve seen the worst but I just sometimes wish that there’s someone for me that guides & is kind to me but that’s too good to be true though I just feel hopeless

Salam everyone,
I really need some outside perspectives and don't know where else to go.
I met a guy on LinkedIn recently. After a basic introduction about our careers, he asked if I was single and if I'd be open to getting to know each other for marriage. He seemed educated and polite, so I decided to give it a try. We exchanged pictures, and he said he liked what he saw and wanted to take things forward. His idea was that we meet up once, and if things go well mutually, we would involve our parents right away.
He seems like a practicing Muslim and leads a very disciplined routine. He works during the day, goes to sleep consistently before 11 PM, and wakes up for Fajr (which is when he usually texts me). While he isn't very active during work hours, he chats a bit after his office hours and early in the morning. I've also prayed Istikhara regarding this.
Here is the problem I’m facing: I feel like he isn't opening up or trying to actually get to know me. He only asked about my basic details, my family background, and my general marriage preferences and based strictly on that, he concluded he wants to move forward with marriage.
I brought this up to him and asked why he isn't asking more questions to get to know me better. He simply replied that we will get to know each other slowly over time.
I’m naturally not a very confrontational person, so I felt hesitant to push further. Is the marriage process supposed to be like this? Am I overthinking things, or shouldn't he be putting in a bit more effort to understand who I am before jumping straight into involving families?

I'm a single guy, both my parents have passed away, and there isn't really a suitable match among my relatives. My circle isn't such that I know any Muslim girls either. Since dating is haram in Islam, I honestly have no idea how I'm supposed to approach someone with the intention of marriage. I'm genuinely confused.

I’m engaged to this girl, and the engagement event went well. Both families were happy, and she and I were also quite happy. However, I had never really talked to her before the engagement, and we didn’t talk much even at the engagement event or afterward.
Both families decided that we would get married in December 2026. However, after about two months of the engagement, we started discovering some issues within her family.
I found out that some members of her family may want her to marry into my family because of our financial situation. Her family also believes in taweez and other similar things, which makes me uncomfortable. There are also some complicated situations in her family, including female relatives who continue living with their ex-husbands after divorce.
Her father also has anger issues. I have also heard that the girl herself has beaten her aunt and grandmother, although I’m not completely sure whether this is true.
Now I’m really confused about what I should do. I’m 28 years old, and I genuinely want to get married, but after finding out about these things, I’m worried about whether I’m making the right decision.

Guys, I need help with something. I’m planning on marrying a Korean man, he’s already muslim. I want to know the procedures as well as would it be better to get the legal contract marriage signed here in the UAE or in Korea. I just want to know what’s the move convenient way to get this marriage done.

Is it wrong and shallow and arrogant to reject a man just because I don’t find him physically attractive ? Is it wrong to want to be physically attracted to the person I marry?

Every time I turn down a man because I don’t like his looks, my parents make me feel guilty. They say looks don't matter and that his good actions will make me accept him over time. But I know myself…..I can't force physical attraction. The idea of being touched by someone I don't find attractive disgusts me. I already tried it in college. I tried so hard to like a guy who was really kind and caring towards me, but the romantic feelings never came.

My family also uses my past engagement against me. Even though my ex was average looking to everyone else, he was the most handsome man in the world in my eyes (That alone proves I’m not looking for a supermodel…I just need to find him attractive to me) When he turned out to be a terrible person, my parents used that to claim my judgment is bad. They now think attractive men are always bad people and average looking men( whom I reject) are the good ones.

I don't care about society standards ,I just want to be attracted to him myself!!!!! Am I thinking about this all wrong? Am I going to end up alone because I keep rejecting these chances? Should I just give in and go with the flow? or keep waiting? and if I wait, how long am I supposed to wait when I’m in my mid twenties?

**I rejected a good marriage proposal and now I strongly regret it — should I try to reopen it or is this just rejection regret?**

Salam everyone. I really need some outside perspective because I can’t tell whether I’ve genuinely realised I want this person or whether I’m experiencing regret because the door has now closed.
I’m 22F and recently received a marriage proposal from a 30M. Our families were involved from the beginning and everything was done seriously with the intention of marriage.
On paper, there really wasn’t anything wrong with him. He’s educated, doing very well academically/career-wise (currently at Oxford), seems responsible, comes from a good family, and from the conversations we had, our values and expectations seemed compatible. His family came to meet us and things progressed to the point where they wanted to give me a ring.
My main hesitation was physical attraction. I didn’t find him particularly attractive, and the 8-year age difference also made me uncertain. There wasn’t anything specific wrong with his personality or character that made me reject him.
Another part of the proposal that appealed to me was that I would move to the UK after marriage and we would live independently together. I really want an independent married life, so I’m trying to be brutally honest with myself about whether I miss *him* or the future/lifestyle that came with marrying him.
Eventually my parents decided not to proceed and communicated that to his family.
At first I accepted it and thought it was probably for the best. But after some time passed, I’ve suddenly developed an extremely strong feeling that I made the wrong decision. I’ve been thinking about him constantly and genuinely wanting the proposal back.
I’ve also reconsidered how much weight I gave physical attraction. Looks are temporary and attraction can potentially grow through love, character and emotional connection. When I think about the qualities that actually matter to me in a husband long-term, I feel like I may have let a good potential go over something that wasn’t as important
to me as I initially thought.
I’ve prayed istikhara as well, which makes me even more confused. I don’t know whether this strong change in inclination means anything or whether I’m incorrectly interpreting normal regret/anxiety as a result of istikhara.

His family has become distant since the rejection. My mum has messaged his mum and the messages delivered, but she hasn’t opened/responded to them. I’m considering calling his sister, explaining that the rejection wasn’t as simple as me personally not wanting him, and telling her that after having time to properly reflect, I genuinely would like to reconsider things if he is still interested.

I also don’t even know how strongly *he* liked me. Obviously he was willing to proceed with the marriage, but we didn’t know each other for very long. I’m worried he may have been hurt by the rejection, may no longer want me, or may simply have moved on.
At the same time, I recognise that I still don’t know him deeply. If things reopen, I would want to ask more serious questions about his past, emotional availability, previous relationships/attachments, expectations after marriage, etc., rather than blindly saying yes because I’m scared of losing him again.
So I need objective advice, especially from people who have been through arranged marriage/proposals:
**Does this sound like genuine realisation or “rejection regret” because he is no longer available?**
**If you rejected someone and later genuinely changed your mind, would you try once to reopen the proposal?**

**Would calling his sister be inappropriate/desperate, or is one respectful attempt reasonable?**
**For people who weren’t initially very physically attracted to their spouse but everything else was good — did attraction grow after marriage?**

And Islamically, how should I understand my sudden change in feelings after istikhara without treating my emotions as some definite “sign”?
Please be honest even if you think I should leave him alone. I don’t want reassurance — I want to make the right decision.