r/muslimgirlsgetmarried

Hello, im F19, and ill be honest I met a guy the first guy i ever spoke to even as a friend when i was in 10th grade so i was like 14 turning 15, we were just friends then i met someone through that friend that I liked, they were kaffirs and i was a child so i didnt really care. i ended up liking the guy we would talk all day then we grew distant. through that guy i was introduced to discord and after a while me and the guy grew distant I stayed liking him for a year and couldnt forget him after that, i was attached then slowly i was introduced to servers on discord. thats how i met so many people then slowly got introduced to instagram groupchats or i guess arab groupchats. and i met a Palestinian boy in those groupchats when i was around 15-16 funny enough im the one that added him into a group chat after he commeted his username on a tik tok to join. after a while i was like oh hes really nice let me dm him, we became friends and from that first day i devolped a crush i guess, but it was never anything serious i never truly liked him, i guess it was just to pass time.

sorry for making this so long.

but yea three months later he told me he wanted to stop talking to me because it was haram and i agreed i felt the same way as well. then after he left i realized i loved him i think. maybe its limerance or attachment but yea every couple of months he would text me and ask me how i was and end the conversation there. three months after we stopped talking he met a girl through instagram, they saw each other once in new york and the girl found his instagram and added him and they have been talking for three years now, only as friends he told me he loves her and he doesnt know her feelings, shes older than him by a year and a hafizah mashallah. i have known him for five years and have been attached for five years. i dont know whether its attachement or love at this point but im 19 now and cant forget him. i keep making dua to marry him and have prayed tahhajjud and prayed so much just for him to love me again and marry me. i have made the dua "ya rab if he is my naseeb please dont remove him from my heart and put me in his heart the way you put him and let us get married and if he isnt my naseeb remove him from my heart and help me forget him and get over this aching pain in my heart easily." i dont say those exact words but i made duas like that ya rab if hes good for me let us get married and if he isnt remove him from my heart. he stopped contacting me every couple months to check up on me because he knows i like him still and it breaks my heart when he texts me because it reminds of the fact that i love him and he doenst love me back. lol writing this im tearing up. but anyways yea fast forward 5 years later i still cant forget him and i just want him gone from my heart i hate this pain so much, i love him and want to marry him but it feels like he isnt my naseeb and i dont want to waste time on something that will never happen, i make dua for him every ramadan to marry him, and whenever i just sit in salah to make dua i always donate after hoping my dua of marrying him comes true, i have even fasted yawm al arafah and made dua and donated 5 times after every dua in hopes that he is my naseeb and he marries me. im just so tired having to wiat five years for something that isnt going to happen. and everytime i pray tahhajud or i make dua i ask for certain signs, like maybe im delusoinal or crazy i have asked a couple times for allah swt to make it rain if hes my naseeb 80/100 times it always happens and i made dua for allah swt to show me a purple car because i rarely see purple cars, that same day i had to go pick my brother up and saw a purple car, then i made countless duas like that they always seem to get answered. idk if its from shaytaan or allah swt, because i heard that shaytaan listens to your duas and sometimes answers them in his ways to get u to commit more haram. but i genuienly cant tell the difference.

i would also like to add this maybe its important. but two months before ramadan this year i didnt think of the guy for a couple weeks, then a week later i had strong urges and reminders of him and felt like i should text him, so i did and we started talking a bit to catch up, but this time it was different we stayed talking, usually he ends the conversation. but this time something felt different between us. keep in mind during this time i started praying tahajjud for him 8 rakats every mornuing making dua ya allah please let him fall in love with me and marry me. after the 5tyh day of praying tahajjud this is a week later btw. i told him i still liked him and if he gave me the chance and spoke to me he would like me again, he kept trying not to and didnt wanna commit the same sin. but ended up trying again so we stayed talking a couple days and he realized he did really like me or so he thought during this time btw he was trying to figure out if he liked me or her the girl he fell in love with for three years. so he prayed so much prayed istikhara and he kept telling me he is gettng sings that im the one, then one day he felt like he was praying istikhara wrong so he told his aunt who is very well informed on the deen and is just very close to islam. he told her his sistuation there are two girls that like him one he likes back the other (me) he isnt sure. but i have been commited for 5 years. after he told her about me and told her about the other girl his aunt told him to choose me because the minute he mentioned me she felt more at ease and calm. also keep in mind whenever him and i would talk or call, he would tell me he feels so much at peace with me and hasnt felt at peace with anyone before. btw during this time i admitted to him that i have been praying for him for the past few weeks, he told me the same time that every week ever since 5 years ago at least once a week he has been praying for me and my happiness and health etc. fast forward a week or two later he goes on a camping trip one day trip no wifi or anything. the next day i ask him what his conclusions were whether he wanted me or her. he sent me a long paragragh saying he cant forget her and although he cares for me so much and gets in pain when im upset. (btw i was upset over call once and he heard me crying that same day he went to pray duhr at the masjid he started crying in prayer due to the thought of me crying) but yea he said in conclusion he wants to marry her and doesnt wnat to hurt me in the long run if we he stayys talking to me because he will always think of her and want her. after that i cried so much and went home and my mom saw me crying and i told her what happened iwth the guy, she was suprised ofc because to her i havent spoken to a guy before, i told heer everything even about my tahajjud signs and eevrything the guy and his aunt said. BTW i js rememebered this all his friends told him to choose me also because they had better feelings about me. but anyways yea i told my mom and she was dissapointed in me and so in the end she said who knows, he might come back and marry you one day. then three days later ramadan started, also when me and that guy started talking again he told me once that he saw a reel on instgram saying that the shaytaan tries to ttrick people two weeks before ramadan and i came into his life again around the same time so he felt like it was the shaytaan tricking him

end of that.

then during ramamdan i made dua that if he wasnt my naseeb for him to remove me off all social media, that was onky one dua out of the hundreds that i made, i also made one that if he is my naseeb for him to text me forst again. funny enough after eid i noticed he removed me off tik tok so to be petty i removed him off snapchat. then couple weeks pass i start getting a strong strong feeling that he will text me soon, funny enough after a 10 hour shift at work i go home open my phone tp find him that he had texted me and sent me a message asking how i have been and checking up on me because he broke my heart so bad. he then told me the reaosn he texted me was because he was opening the cover of a waterbittle and saw my name on the bottle cover and reminded him of me and that he needed to text me, this happened twice, everytime he gets the bottle cap with my name he texts me. ever siince then we havent spoken. he left me on seen after i told him i hated him and o hope the girl he likes marries someone else, ofc i dont mean that but it was a spur of the moment thing because of how hurt i was. i still miss him so much and am so confused on whether he is my naseeb or not.

now this is what i need help with althought i would really aoppreciate advice for the first half, i know im writing so much sorry.

but ever since he stopped talking to me i have been craving male validation, although i dont speak tp guys irl, i have been talking to guys non stop online these past 5 years. we dont date or anything but like a "talking stage" and i know its haram but its just so hard, everytime i talk to a guy i start feeling guilty then i immediately block him because its haram then i repeat the cycle with another guy, i always block before things get serious because im scared. i really need help how to stop, i was talking to someone the other day and i blocked him. the thing is i feel like the reason i do all this talk to these guys its because i didnt get the validation of the guy i loved so now i look for other guys to love me and give me that validatipn. i always feel like im not pretty or not deserving of that guy because he chose another girl over me, even tho he met me first, with me he told me it was haram and wanted to stop talking even though i was his first love, but with her he wants to better himself and has been talking to her as friends for three years because he wants to marry her. and i just dont understand. maybe its because hes a better muslim than me because i do struggle with my salah but hes somehow always perfect with salah subhanallah. but i just love him and miss him so much and i hate yhis pain.

this is another thing i feel.

so the area i live in has no arabs or muslims, and my family doesnt know anyone. so im just scared that i wont get married, its a fear of mine. because the small muslim community that we do have, all the women are honestly struggling tp get married. im scared the same thing will happen to me and i never meet my naseeb. or maybe i ruined my naseeb because of all these "talking stages" i have had. im also really scared what if i never marry that guy and end up attached to him and have lingering feelings and deal with that pain rest of my life. after that guy i have never truly liked anyone i dont know why. problem is hes not even a player or a bad guy hes really sweet but loves someone else. and im also scared what if i never forget him stay attached to him and end up marrying someone else, i feel like it would be unfair to my future spouse that i love someone and think of someone else. i also have this fear that i do get married but its to a man that isnt of my preference, someone i dont find attractive what so ever. its really hard for me to find someone i see attractive and that guy i like is exactly my type subhannalah when i was 13 i used to make dua for a guy and listed his features and characteristics. and subhannalh two years later i met that guy i cant forget who fits the criteria exactly. and also. I know we shouldnt share dreams but four years ago i had a dream i was in a car and that guy was driving it. i searched up the meaning and it said that i would marry the person driving the care and he will handle or take care of me.

i need so much advice and help because i really am so confused and dont know what to do. i really want to marry that guy but maybe its not my naseeb it seems like he isnt. since he loves someone else. but im scared i will never fall in love again. and i need help to stop commiting this sin of texting guys. and genuinly im just so scared for my future.

i apologize for all these grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes, please dont mind im writing this while really emotional. but please if anyone could give me advice on anything at all i would really appreciate it. i know i wrote so much but please everyone just any advice im just so confused and have made many mistakes i shouldnt have.

thank you to everyone who replies and may allah swt grant all your duas in the way you want with only khair.

Hello, im F19, and ill be honest I met a guy the first guy i ever spoke to even as a friend when i was in 10th grade so i was like 14 turning 15, we were just friends then i met someone through that friend that I liked, they were kaffirs and i was a child so i didnt really care. i ended up liking the guy we would talk all day then we grew distant. through that guy i was introduced to discord and after a while me and the guy grew distant I stayed liking him for a year and couldnt forget him after that, i was attached then slowly i was introduced to servers on discord. thats how i met so many people then slowly got introduced to instagram groupchats or i guess arab groupchats. and i met a Palestinian boy in those groupchats when i was around 15-16 funny enough im the one that added him into a group chat after he commeted his username on a tik tok to join. after a while i was like oh hes really nice let me dm him, we became friends and from that first day i devolped a crush i guess, but it was never anything serious i never truly liked him, i guess it was just to pass time.

sorry for making this so long.

but yea three months later he told me he wanted to stop talking to me because it was haram and i agreed i felt the same way as well. then after he left i realized i loved him i think. maybe its limerance or attachment but yea every couple of months he would text me and ask me how i was and end the conversation there. three months after we stopped talking he met a girl through instagram, they saw each other once in new york and the girl found his instagram and added him and they have been talking for three years now, only as friends he told me he loves her and he doesnt know her feelings, shes older than him by a year and a hafizah mashallah. i have known him for five years and have been attached for five years. i dont know whether its attachement or love at this point but im 19 now and cant forget him. i keep making dua to marry him and have prayed tahhajjud and prayed so much just for him to love me again and marry me. i have made the dua "ya rab if he is my naseeb please dont remove him from my heart and put me in his heart the way you put him and let us get married and if he isnt my naseeb remove him from my heart and help me forget him and get over this aching pain in my heart easily." i dont say those exact words but i made duas like that ya rab if hes good for me let us get married and if he isnt remove him from my heart. he stopped contacting me every couple months to check up on me because he knows i like him still and it breaks my heart when he texts me because it reminds of the fact that i love him and he doenst love me back. lol writing this im tearing up. but anyways yea fast forward 5 years later i still cant forget him and i just want him gone from my heart i hate this pain so much, i love him and want to marry him but it feels like he isnt my naseeb and i dont want to waste time on something that will never happen, i make dua for him every ramadan to marry him, and whenever i just sit in salah to make dua i always donate after hoping my dua of marrying him comes true, i have even fasted yawm al arafah and made dua and donated 5 times after every dua in hopes that he is my naseeb and he marries me. im just so tired having to wiat five years for something that isnt going to happen. and everytime i pray tahhajud or i make dua i ask for certain signs, like maybe im delusoinal or crazy i have asked a couple times for allah swt to make it rain if hes my naseeb 80/100 times it always happens and i made dua for allah swt to show me a purple car because i rarely see purple cars, that same day i had to go pick my brother up and saw a purple car, then i made countless duas like that they always seem to get answered. idk if its from shaytaan or allah swt, because i heard that shaytaan listens to your duas and sometimes answers them in his ways to get u to commit more haram. but i genuienly cant tell the difference.

i would also like to add this maybe its important. but two months before ramadan this year i didnt think of the guy for a couple weeks, then a week later i had strong urges and reminders of him and felt like i should text him, so i did and we started talking a bit to catch up, but this time it was different we stayed talking, usually he ends the conversation. but this time something felt different between us. keep in mind during this time i started praying tahajjud for him 8 rakats every mornuing making dua ya allah please let him fall in love with me and marry me. after the 5tyh day of praying tahajjud this is a week later btw. i told him i still liked him and if he gave me the chance and spoke to me he would like me again, he kept trying not to and didnt wanna commit the same sin. but ended up trying again so we stayed talking a couple days and he realized he did really like me or so he thought during this time btw he was trying to figure out if he liked me or her the girl he fell in love with for three years. so he prayed so much prayed istikhara and he kept telling me he is gettng sings that im the one, then one day he felt like he was praying istikhara wrong so he told his aunt who is very well informed on the deen and is just very close to islam. he told her his sistuation there are two girls that like him one he likes back the other (me) he isnt sure. but i have been commited for 5 years. after he told her about me and told her about the other girl his aunt told him to choose me because the minute he mentioned me she felt more at ease and calm. also keep in mind whenever him and i would talk or call, he would tell me he feels so much at peace with me and hasnt felt at peace with anyone before. btw during this time i admitted to him that i have been praying for him for the past few weeks, he told me the same time that every week ever since 5 years ago at least once a week he has been praying for me and my happiness and health etc. fast forward a week or two later he goes on a camping trip one day trip no wifi or anything. the next day i ask him what his conclusions were whether he wanted me or her. he sent me a long paragragh saying he cant forget her and although he cares for me so much and gets in pain when im upset. (btw i was upset over call once and he heard me crying that same day he went to pray duhr at the masjid he started crying in prayer due to the thought of me crying) but yea he said in conclusion he wants to marry her and doesnt wnat to hurt me in the long run if we he stayys talking to me because he will always think of her and want her. after that i cried so much and went home and my mom saw me crying and i told her what happened iwth the guy, she was suprised ofc because to her i havent spoken to a guy before, i told heer everything even about my tahajjud signs and eevrything the guy and his aunt said. BTW i js rememebered this all his friends told him to choose me also because they had better feelings about me. but anyways yea i told my mom and she was dissapointed in me and so in the end she said who knows, he might come back and marry you one day. then three days later ramadan started, also when me and that guy started talking again he told me once that he saw a reel on instgram saying that the shaytaan tries to ttrick people two weeks before ramadan and i came into his life again around the same time so he felt like it was the shaytaan tricking him

end of that.

then during ramamdan i made dua that if he wasnt my naseeb for him to remove me off all social media, that was onky one dua out of the hundreds that i made, i also made one that if he is my naseeb for him to text me forst again. funny enough after eid i noticed he removed me off tik tok so to be petty i removed him off snapchat. then couple weeks pass i start getting a strong strong feeling that he will text me soon, funny enough after a 10 hour shift at work i go home open my phone tp find him that he had texted me and sent me a message asking how i have been and checking up on me because he broke my heart so bad. he then told me the reaosn he texted me was because he was opening the cover of a waterbittle and saw my name on the bottle cover and reminded him of me and that he needed to text me, this happened twice, everytime he gets the bottle cap with my name he texts me. ever siince then we havent spoken. he left me on seen after i told him i hated him and o hope the girl he likes marries someone else, ofc i dont mean that but it was a spur of the moment thing because of how hurt i was. i still miss him so much and am so confused on whether he is my naseeb or not.

now this is what i need help with althought i would really aoppreciate advice for the first half, i know im writing so much sorry.

but ever since he stopped talking to me i have been craving male validation, although i dont speak tp guys irl, i have been talking to guys non stop online these past 5 years. we dont date or anything but like a "talking stage" and i know its haram but its just so hard, everytime i talk to a guy i start feeling guilty then i immediately block him because its haram then i repeat the cycle with another guy, i always block before things get serious because im scared. i really need help how to stop, i was talking to someone the other day and i blocked him. the thing is i feel like the reason i do all this talk to these guys its because i didnt get the validation of the guy i loved so now i look for other guys to love me and give me that validatipn. i always feel like im not pretty or not deserving of that guy because he chose another girl over me, even tho he met me first, with me he told me it was haram and wanted to stop talking even though i was his first love, but with her he wants to better himself and has been talking to her as friends for three years because he wants to marry her. and i just dont understand. maybe its because hes a better muslim than me because i do struggle with my salah but hes somehow always perfect with salah subhanallah. but i just love him and miss him so much and i hate yhis pain.

this is another thing i feel.

so the area i live in has no arabs or muslims, and my family doesnt know anyone. so im just scared that i wont get married, its a fear of mine. because the small muslim community that we do have, all the women are honestly struggling tp get married. im scared the same thing will happen to me and i never meet my naseeb. or maybe i ruined my naseeb because of all these "talking stages" i have had. im also really scared what if i never marry that guy and end up attached to him and have lingering feelings and deal with that pain rest of my life. after that guy i have never truly liked anyone i dont know why. problem is hes not even a player or a bad guy hes really sweet but loves someone else. and im also scared what if i never forget him stay attached to him and end up marrying someone else, i feel like it would be unfair to my future spouse that i love someone and think of someone else. i also have this fear that i do get married but its to a man that isnt of my preference, someone i dont find attractive what so ever. its really hard for me to find someone i see attractive and that guy i like is exactly my type subhannalah when i was 13 i used to make dua for a guy and listed his features and characteristics. and subhannalh two years later i met that guy i cant forget who fits the criteria exactly. and also. I know we shouldnt share dreams but four years ago i had a dream i was in a car and that guy was driving it. i searched up the meaning and it said that i would marry the person driving the care and he will handle or take care of me.

i need so much advice and help because i really am so confused and dont know what to do. i really want to marry that guy but maybe its not my naseeb it seems like he isnt. since he loves someone else. but im scared i will never fall in love again. and i need help to stop commiting this sin of texting guys. and genuinly im just so scared for my future.

i apologize for all these grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes, please dont mind im writing this while really emotional. but please if anyone could give me advice on anything at all i would really appreciate it. i know i wrote so much but please everyone just any advice im just so confused and have made many mistakes i shouldnt have.

thank you to everyone who replies and may allah swt grant all your duas in the way you want with only khair.

Salam,

Imagine you marry someone who is honestly one of the kindest people you’ve met. He’s sweet, respectful, caring, hardworking and treats you with so much love when it’s just the two of you. You know he genuinely wants the best for you.

However, a few months into marriage, you realise that whenever his family raises a concern, their opinions carry a lot of weight. His family isn’t bad at all. They’re kind people. But they’re also very traditional and come from a culture where family reputation, appearances and certain expectations are extremely important.

You, on the other hand, grew up very differently.

Your family values Islam, but they also believe that every individual has their own journey with Allah and that, after marriage, both spouses adjust to each other rather than one person adapting completely to the other family.

Over time, you realise your disagreements aren’t just about one issue. They’re about how you view marriage, family, gender roles, raising children, personal autonomy, and the influence extended family should have on your relationship.

There is still love. There is still respect. There is still kindness.

But you’re starting to wonder whether love alone is enough when your core values and outlook on life don’t align.

Would you stay and hope things improve over time, or would you see this as a fundamental compatibility issue? I’m genuinely looking for honest perspectives.

I'm turning 25 this year, i took 2 gap years so I already feel pretty behind in life but now my mother keeps on telling me that now its the age to get married and stuff. However I am not super interested in marriage like at all. But my mom says that you're just running away from a responsibility. Marriage has never been all roses to me cause I have seen a lot of messy marriages and don't think I could mentally take on something like that ever. But then again there's the "you wont get a good husband later on" thing but I still don't want to do marriage on the basis on that either. I have never really interacted with super closely as an adult so I can't even imagine living with a man plus the kids thing. But I don't know am I the problem and actually running away from my responsibilities or.... more so what should I do about all this????

[removed]

I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month. We’ve had two phone calls and one video call so far. On paper, he ticks a lot of major boxes—he has a good, stable job and he is religious. Because I am a very intentional person, between our calls I actually think of questions to ask him and take notes during our conversations so I don’t forget key details about his life. He is obviously talking to other people to keep his options open, which is fine, but his day-to-day effort level feels completely below basic standards.

On our call today, he asked questions consistently, but it felt incredibly low effort, like he wasn’t fully present or treating me like an individual person. His speaking style is very matter-of-fact and transactional. After I would answer a question, he would just say something flat like, "Ah yeah, fair enough," or "Yeah, good to know, okay so another question..." and just move right on to his next checklist item. He constantly started his sentences with "I don't know if we already discussed this, but..."The biggest red flags for me are the major things he completely fails to remember:

On our last video call, he actually asked me what my age was again.

On our call today, he asked how soon I want children and what my timeline is. We have already spoken about this in exact detail twice. When I reminded him we already discussed this, he just brushed it off and said, "Yeah, I don't really do that" when it comes to taking notes.

He knows I currently work in retail, but not once has he ever asked which shop I work for. To me, that is standard, basic conversation when you are trying to find out about a person.

He re-asked what my parents do for work, which we already covered.

Later in the call, he had a slip of the tongue and accidentally said, "Yeah, I’ve had some people say..." out loud, proving his brain is getting totally jumbled between multiple girls.

We also had a really weird, confusing moment today regarding Hajj. He was telling me about how his brother and sister-in-law just did Hajj. I couldn't fully recall if I had brought it up before, so I casually said, "Oh, I can't remember if I told you, but I also did Hajj." He completely blanked out, acted shocked, and went, "WHAT, NO, you didn't say! How was that?" Because he sounded so certain that I hadn't mentioned it, I started explaining my experience to him from scratch. But while I was right in the middle of explaining it, it suddenly all came back to him and he interrupted with, "Oh yeah, you did tell me." It was so jarring to watch his memory lag like that in real-time.

I understand he is exploring his options, but it feels so disrespectful to look this lazy and disorganized about the most fundamental pillars of a potential marriage. Does a good job and religious checkboxes make up for a complete lack of genuine warmth, memory, and effort? How would you handle a guy who behaves like this?

I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month. We’ve had two phone calls and one video call so far. On paper, he ticks a lot of major boxes—he has a good, stable job and he is religious. Because I am a very intentional person, between our calls I actually think of questions to ask him and take notes during our conversations so I don’t forget key details about his life. He is obviously talking to other people to keep his options open, which is fine, but his day-to-day effort level feels completely below basic standards.

On our call today, he asked questions consistently, but it felt incredibly low effort, like he wasn’t fully present or treating me like an individual person. His speaking style is very matter-of-fact and transactional. After I would answer a question, he would just say something flat like, "Ah yeah, fair enough," or "Yeah, good to know, okay so another question..." and just move right on to his next checklist item. He constantly started his sentences with "I don't know if we already discussed this, but..."The biggest red flags for me are the major things he completely fails to remember:

On our last video call, he actually asked me what my age was again.

On our call today, he asked how soon I want children and what my timeline is. We have already spoken about this in exact detail twice. When I reminded him we already discussed this, he just brushed it off and said, "Yeah, I don't really do that" when it comes to taking notes.

He knows I currently work in retail, but not once has he ever asked which shop I work for. To me, that is standard, basic conversation when you are trying to find out about a person.

He re-asked what my parents do for work, which we already covered.

Later in the call, he had a slip of the tongue and accidentally said, "Yeah, I’ve had some people say..." out loud, proving his brain is getting totally jumbled between multiple girls.

We also had a really weird, confusing moment today regarding Hajj. He was telling me about how his brother and sister-in-law just did Hajj. I couldn't fully recall if I had brought it up before, so I casually said, "Oh, I can't remember if I told you, but I also did Hajj." He completely blanked out, acted shocked, and went, "WHAT, NO, you didn't say! How was that?" Because he sounded so certain that I hadn't mentioned it, I started explaining my experience to him from scratch. But while I was right in the middle of explaining it, it suddenly all came back to him and he interrupted with, "Oh yeah, you did tell me." It was so jarring to watch his memory lag like that in real-time.

I understand he is exploring his options, but it feels so disrespectful to look this lazy and disorganized about the most fundamental pillars of a potential marriage. Does a good job and religious checkboxes make up for a complete lack of genuine warmth, memory, and effort? How would you handle a guy who behaves like this?

My husband (25) and I (24) met at university and got married about two years later. We’ve now been together for almost five years. In that time we’ve had a baby, bought a house, and we’re currently renovating before we move in.

The issue is that I’ve always had lingering feelings about not being fully physically attracted to him. When we first met, I did find him somewhat attractive, but it wasn’t that overwhelming feeling of attraction. I remember thinking, “He’s a genuinely good man, and attraction can grow.” He was kind, gentle, generous, and had such good character that I overlooked the fact that the physical attraction wasn’t particularly strong.

He’s a few inches shorter than me and has a much smaller frame. When we first met, he went to the gym regularly, but with work, renovating, and now having a baby, he hasn’t had the time. I’ve also changed physically since having our son. I’m 5’5” and around 95kg, and I carry most of my weight in my hips and thighs. Because my husband has such a slight build, I sometimes feel very large beside him. I sometimes wonder whether I’d feel differently if he had a broader frame.

The thing is, he’s objectively a wonderful husband. He provides for us, supports me emotionally, stands up for me when it comes to family issues, helps with household chores without being asked, and is an incredibly loving and involved father. I know these qualities are far more important than appearance, which is why I feel guilty even admitting how I feel.
The other issue is that I wish he would take more initiative and lead our household. I don’t mean being controlling or dominant in the bedroom. I mean being decisive, making plans, taking responsibility for decisions, anticipating what needs doing, and sharing the mental load instead of waiting for me to direct everything.

I’ve tried explaining this to him many times, but I don’t think he fully understands what I mean. His response is usually that he lets me choose everything because he wants me to be happy. While I appreciate the intention, it has the opposite effect. Constantly being the one who has to decide everything feels exhausting, and I don’t feel like we’re sharing that responsibility. He also says he wants to be more of a leader but genuinely doesn’t know how because he never had a strong male role model growing up. His dad left when he was very young, and although his mum remarried later, the closest thing he had to a father figure was an uncle who was only a few years older than him.

I also don’t really enjoy intimacy, and I think that’s partly because the physical attraction has never been particularly strong. To make matters worse, I sometimes notice myself feeling attracted to other men, not to the point of acting on it, but enough that it makes me question why I don’t feel that same level of attraction towards my own husband. That makes me feel ashamed because he hasn’t done anything wrong, and he deserves to feel wanted.
I’m struggling because I know I have a husband who is loving, loyal, caring, and an amazing father. Yet I still find myself wishing I felt more physically attracted to him and that he naturally took on more leadership in our marriage.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did attraction grow over time? If your husband wasn’t naturally decisive, were there practical things that helped him become more confident and take more initiative? And if you’ve experienced attraction to others while being married to a genuinely good spouse, how did you work through it?

Has anyone here been in a haram relationship, sincerely left it for the sake of Allah, stayed apart, and then eventually reunited through a halal marriage?

I’m looking for genuine experiences. Did you both grow in your deen during that time? What helped you trust Allah while you were waiting? If it didn’t work out with the same person, did you still feel that leaving the relationship for Allah was worth it?

I just want to hear real stories that might give me perspective and hope while I try to put my trust in Allah. Any advice would also be greatly appreciated.

Salam girlies,

Just wanted to vent and see if anyone has had similar experiences, or advice..

I am currently in the process of looking to get married InshaAllah , im 23, graduated school, work full time in medicine, am religious and actively working to improve my deen inshaAllah. In person, i am a bit shy and i dont freemix or go out a lot aside from work and hanging out with family and occasionally friends. I attend Islamic lectures held by my local masajid. It’s been hard finding someone in person and to be honest, I lack confidence so I feel like no one will be interested in me compared to the other beautiful woman my age.
Anyways, long story short I posted on ISO. I’m Palestinian and also looking for a Palestinian. Many men have reached out to express interest, but the issue is when I reply back and we are getting to know eachother I am leading the conversation and as soon as I start asking questions, it’s like they cease to ask there’s or they will respond very dry when they were the ones who reached out first. And then when I stop responding (since there was nothing to respond to, no question, NO initiative) some will follow-up and say hello? or ask where I went. Which doesn’t make sense unless I am reading too much into it and they genuinely do not know what theyre doing. What happened to men chasing woman?? Showing interest?? Taking initiative?? Yearning?? Halal Conversations??

I know that it’s a two way street but it feels very one sided from my end at times and I feel unwanted, and discouraged even though they are the ones who reached out first to express interest.
I crave companionship and would love to get married but the more time passes I am getting concerned with what my future will look like. I will continue to make dua InshaAllah.
If you’ve read all of this, thank you and Jazakillah Khair.

edit: I do live in the US!

I don’t work with any Muslim guys, I don’t know a huge number of people, and while I’m fairly involved in the Muslim community, men and women are usually pretty separate. On top of that, it feels like most of the brothers around my age are already married.

I don’t use the apps and I’m not really interested in matchmaking, so I’m curious… for those of you who met your spouse organically, where did it actually happen?

PS. Please don’t reach out to me about getting to know me. I’m looking for someone local and not online or through Reddit.

Okay, here’s the issue lol.
Lately I’ve been wondering if it’s actually this hard to find someone who’s compatible.
For example, I recently met a really nice guy through my best friend. We got along well, but then he mentioned that he drinks. That immediately made me realize we weren’t compatible because I’m looking for a practicing Muslim, and drinking is a dealbreaker for me.
I feel like so many of the Muslim guys I come across drink, and it’s honestly discouraging. Am I just getting unlucky, or has anyone else found this to be the case too?

I wanted to make this post to hear everyone’s opinions and views on this.

So I am in my early 20s and I’m looking to get married within the next 1-3 years. I’ve been living alone since I was 19 and I’ve never realised this, but I really struggle to clean. A lot of my friends have OCD and are clean freaks and I’m not sure whether I can keep up to their standard of cleanliness. I’m worrying because what if I can’t get married due to this issue that I have?

I can stay on top of everything else, like presenting myself well, going to the gym, cooking, praying, Pilates, hair and makeup - etc and I have a good social life. I’d like to think that I’m empathetic and can be a good/ loyal wife as a partner- but, I’m just really insecure about my tidying up and general cleaning. I have a ‘type B’ personality, and I’m in the process of being diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, but I’m really scared that this would be a huge issue.

I get a lot of attention in public in terms of my looks, but I usually avoid speaking to men because I’d rather wait for the right person to come at the right time. I know that my cleaning is a huge red flag, but I just really hate cleaning, I’ve hated it since I was young.

FYI I do tidy up and clean on a basic level, and try to make sure to keep on top of it BUT I just Can’t stand it. The dusting, picking up all these little bits and bobs from the floor, bleaching everything 24/7, it’s too overwhelming. I KNOW that I’d need a professional cleaner or something, but will this stop me from finding a good spouse :/

Salam ladies and gentlemen,
I’ve posted on her before but I think it’s getting a bit more serious I’m not sure!

I was wondering if it’s okay to get islamically married at young age when the guy doesn’t have a job.
So what should we do about mahr ?
Backstory: Its a friend who’ve i have been interested in and he feels the same. So we wanted to know what it takes for us to get married even though we are both 19 years of age.
My mother did recently tell me if i did find anyone within the next year or two I should come tell her.
We are both at uni, just finished out first year and I have a job however he does not
Can anyone help us with figuring this out
Most islamic way possible
Jzk :)

I am 23 year old I competed my education in June 2026 and came home just 15 days ago.My result is yet to came I also got placement offer of 3 lpa which will start in September 2026 .As soon as my relatives came to know about this they started bringing ristas.The kind of proposal they got are good they are our relatives from a far.But currently I have to pursue my dreams I want to build my own life.Travel the world.Get my dream job.i talked to my parents regarding this but they don't really understand they say things like "if we start searching now it will take atleast 2 years or try to emotionally blackmail me by saying things like we have to look after your younger siblings too as I am the eldest one" also as I am Muslim they are lit bit conservative about marrige that once the marriage age passed I am of no use I will not find anyone to get married please help me how can I avoid this and also pressure from family

I’m really trying to strengthen my relationship with Allah by removing unnecessary distractions and being more mindful of my interactions. At the same time, I’m still looking for a spouse after exhausting pretty much every other avenue (family, friends, the masjid, WhatsApp groups, etc.), so I’m considering going back on Muzz.

My dilemma is that I want to keep things as halal as possible and limit unnecessary interactions with non-mahram men. It feels like those two goals almost conflict with each other—how do you get to know someone for marriage without having ongoing conversations with the opposite gender?

For those who have navigated this in a way that protected their deen, how did you approach it? Did you set boundaries, involve a wali early, or have any practical advice?

Update: This post is not an invitation for non-mahrams to message me privately. Please do not DM me. If you have advice to offer, you’re welcome to leave it in the comments where others can benefit as well.

As Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh.

I met someone I like via Muslim matchmaking and he is everything I’m looking for. Mashallah tabarakallah.

He was previously married for a short time (2 months) at a younger age. I’m having a little bit of hesitation to go through with the nikkah because of this.

He told me that the marriage couldn’t work because they had major incompatibility and he wasn’t happy. She was the one that initiated the divorce and he agreed.

We are both pretty young and I’ve never been married nor have I had a relationship.

What can I do in this scenario to feel more comfortable and confident? Should I rethink this?

Jazakallahu Khairan.

(29F) I have never been approached by a man and idk why.

All girls around me are getting approached, if not by a stranger asking for their number or flirting or whatever, and I am just… invisible.

Now people might say “oh you’re intimidating” or “you don’t give chances” or whatever, but nooo that’s not it. I’m normal just like them and open, but why not even once in 29 years of life? Not a single guy? I mean I could understand it if it happened once or twice and I just wasn’t interested or something, but literally never.

I’m not intimidating, I am not fucking Monica Bellucci, and sometimes people even tell me “you should make the first move toward guys” ok but again, why on earth does it feel like all women in the world get to be the ones being approached and I’m the one who has to go ask people to date me? I’m not less intelligent, not less beautiful, not less educated, not less funny… it just makes me wonder what is so wrong with me that I’m not even “loveable” in that way.

Like I can get it if it happened once or twice in my life and I wasn’t attracted or whatever, but it has literally never happened. It’s crazy.

I would appreciate some Islamic advice regarding a situation I'm trying to understand.

I (F22) met a convert brother (F23) in January. He told me that he had marriage with his ex-wife (F22) around July 2025. They had known each other for only a few months before marrying, and the marriage was long-distance, with each of them living in different countries. According to him, communication between them had broken down by around November 2025, and they later divorced.

From what he has told me, he entered marriage because he wanted to do things the halal way and avoid dating. We are all in our early 20s, and his ex-wife was a practicing Muslim while he was a relatively new convert at the time. I should also mention that I am Muslim, but I am not particularly religious myself, so I am asking from a place of genuinely wanting to learn rather than judge.

The timeline feels quite fast to me: they knew each other for only a few months before nikah, married around July 2025, communication broke down around November 2025, and then I met him in January 2026.

He has described the divorce as involving issues of trust, privacy, and conflict within the marriage. I have also heard from some people who know him that he could be impatient during disagreements. Since I only know one side of the story, I am trying not to make assumptions about either person. Part of why I still feel uncertain is that early on, I noticed his location appeared to be in the same city where his ex-wife lives, even though he told me he was somewhere else. I do not know whether that means anything, but it made me question whether I fully understood the situation.

I also noticed that his ex-wife still has his name on some of her social media profiles, although there are no photos of them together and no obvious signs that they are still in a relationship.

One thing I struggle with is that whenever I ask questions about the previous marriage, he often becomes quite emotional. I completely understand that divorce can be painful, but I sometimes find it difficult to know whether I should keep asking questions or simply accept that some topics are sensitive.

From an Islamic perspective, is there anything concerning about that timeline by itself? Is it generally considered acceptable for someone to pursue another relationship relatively soon after a divorce, assuming the divorce was valid and completed?

How much detail is reasonable to ask a potential spouse about their previous marriage? Is it appropriate to ask about the reasons for the divorce, or should those matters largely remain private?

I would especially appreciate hearing from converts, people who married young, or anyone with knowledge of Islamic guidance on these situations.

Thanks y'all