How open should i be about my past?
Im 21F , i grew up in a western country with almost no muslims around , in my early teenage years i fell into haram . Zina , going to parties , drinking etc..
I wasn’t “religious “ at all , i had to find islam on my own , even though i was born muslim . I have repented sincerely so many times and completely changed , i feel like a completely different person.
I am very ashamed of my past and i carry a lot of guilt and i haven’t forgiven myself for it . I feel “ less than “ . I’ve had my sibling use my past against me , people i trusted exposing my sins to men i don’t even know and talking about me .
Three years ago , I was in the process of getting to know someone and i didn’t tell him about everything , he eventually found out and it completely ruined things . My intention wasn’t to deceive him , i didn’t want to be judged for things i would never do again and i was embarrassed about myself tbh .
Where do i go from here ? what do i do if im getting to know someone for marriage? how much do i tell them? how could i ever trust someone with my past knowing they won’t tell other people ?
I also don’t want to marry someone knowing they don’t know everything about me as i feel like that’s unfair for them .