Love bombing and sex bombing are called "bombing" for a reason: they overwhelm your psychological boundaries before they exploit your emotional and financial resources.
They seem to exist only to parasitize other people.Narcissism Is False Confidence Built Upon Psychological Damage.
People often ask whether male narcissists are gay, bisexual, or straight. I can only speak from my own experience. My nex never seemed to have a genuine sexual orientation. His sense of self was so hollow that gender barely seemed to matter—supply did. Anyone who had something he wanted could become a target. To me, it looked less like a sexual orientation and more like pure sexual opportunism.
If a cow had something he wanted, he'd be in the barn that same night. He'd talk to the cow about philosophy, religion, animal rights, and spend hours listening to its life story—not out of empathy, but to figure out exactly how to exploit it later. Then he'd use "sexual intimacy" to get what he came for, followed by devaluation and discard. Sex was never about connection. It was just the key to the safe.
He also drank heavily, used drugs, couldn't keep a job, had compulsive sexual behavior, and, in my experience, showed sexual interest in children. He seemed addicted to dopamine in every form and incapable of building anything lasting. If there is a hole, they will use it.
My narcissistic ex always cast himself as the victim. When we met, he was the orphan. During our marriage, despite endless cheating, he became the victim of an unhappy marriage. The story changed, but the function stayed the same: avoid accountability, secure narcissistic supply, and justify the next relationship. Every new supply probably believed they were rescuing someone who had been deeply hurt.
In nature, males attract mates only by signaling strength. Toxic narcissists often do the opposite. They signal vulnerability instead, using a victim narrative to attract narcissistic supply.
For a male narcissist, supply is supply, and a hole is a hole. Find the hole. Exploit the hole. Control the supply.Extract the supply. They don't care what's between the two legs. They don't care whether it is a man or a woman. If there is a hole, they will use it.They're not connecting,they're collecting data. Every bedroom is just another opportunity for supply.
They also weaponize sex. Instead of addressing the actual issue, they use sex to regulate distance. There's conflict? Sex. You ask for accountability ? Sex is suddenly off the table. It becomes a tool for control rather than connection.Sex with nex also feels emotionally hollow ,there's no real intimacy behind it. He often preoccupied with performance, stamina, and protecting their image—even relying on medication if necessary—while genuine mutual connection is almost an afterthought.
NPD Detective Game: Is Your Narcissist This Bizarre?
Every time I was away for a while, he'd pack up all my belongings like I'd never lived there.
He built himself a bed in the basement and kept five clean pairs of underwear next to it. He'd spend hours down there.
Every day he'd leave at 7 p.m. and not come home until around 3:30 a.m.
His whole voice changed around male friends or the new supply—suddenly soft and fake.
He had a second SIM card just to register another Snapchat account.
He used Blued.
He admitted to having sex with men.
Classic resource-extraction behavior. Burned bridges and started over—three different cities in one year.
Very little going for him in real life, but obsessed with chatting and socializing.
Worked cash jobs at a gay bar.
Constant lying, gaslighting, silent treatment, and violence.
He avoided photos of the three of us together. We'd take our son to an indoor playground, and he'd sit alone outside on a bench.
Could never hold a steady job. These days he mostly lives off the new supply's Airbnb income.
When I called to discuss our child, he'd either be having sex with the new supply or hand the phone to one of his male friends, who'd answer with, "Bitch." I'd never even met the guy.
He always claimed he had "lots of friends" in this city, and that our son knew every single one of them.
Early on, he insisted we had to get divorced before we could keep living together. It made absolutely no sense.
As soon as the court got involved, the new supply got pregnant. She's probably due soon, and we're still legally married.
We traveled together once, and at 11 p.m. he disappeared from the hotel without a word.
When his brother visited, I wasn't even allowed to hang my towel in the bathroom—even though we were legally married and had a child together.
Anyone else's NPD ex come close to this level of bizarre?
Every time I was away for a while, he'd pack up all my belongings like I'd never lived there.
He built himself a bed in the basement and kept five clean pairs of underwear next to it. He'd spend hours down there.
Every day he'd leave at 7 p.m. and not come home until around 3:30 a.m.
His whole voice changed around male friends or the new supply—suddenly soft and fake.
He had a second SIM card just to register another Snapchat account.
He used Blued.
He admitted to having sex with men.
Classic resource-extraction behavior. Burned bridges and started over—three different cities in one year.
Very little going for him in real life, but obsessed with chatting and socializing.
Worked cash jobs at a gay bar.
Constant lying, gaslighting, silent treatment, and violence.
He avoided photos of the three of us together. We'd take our son to an indoor playground, and he'd sit alone outside on a bench.
Could never hold a steady job. These days he mostly lives off the new supply's Airbnb income.
When I called to discuss our child, he'd either be having sex with the new supply or hand the phone to one of his male friends, who'd answer with, "Bitch." I'd never even met the guy.
He always claimed he had "lots of friends" in this city, and that our son knew every single one of them.
Early on, he insisted we had to get divorced before we could keep living together. It made absolutely no sense.
As soon as the court got involved, the new supply got pregnant. She's probably due soon, and we're still legally married.
We traveled together once, and at 11 p.m. he disappeared from the hotel without a word.
When his brother visited, I wasn't even allowed to hang my towel in the bathroom—even though we were legally married and had a child together.
Anyone else's NPD ex come close to this level of bizarre?
A woman at home is not where his real emotional attachment lives. His laughter, excitement, loyalty, and softer side are reserved for the men outside. A narcissistic straight man can easily live with a woman for his entire life, sleep in the same bed with her, and have multiple children with her, yet still never truly love women as people.
This is a very hard truth for many victims to accept because we are taught that shared history, marriage, children, and sacrifice naturally create deep emotional bonds. But in these relationships, the woman often becomes physically present while remaining emotionally invisible.
Over time, she becomes completely exhausted. She spends years of her life trying to get a single drop of genuine love, affection, and validation from a man who never saw her as a full, independent human being deserving of those things. He wanted her strictly as a functional tool and a public shield, but he wanted men for real connection.
This is exactly why she feels such an intense sense of loneliness even while living in the same damn house with him. The silence, emotional distance, and constant disconnect slowly wear her down.
This hypocrisy is a profound form of emotional cruelty and emotional abuse because it turns the woman into an object of convenience—a literal beard used to maintain a socially acceptable image. The narcissist gets the benefits of a traditional life, a stable home, and a respectable public reputation, while she pays the price with her youth, her mental health, and her emotional well-being.
He protects his fragile ego from society's judgment by sacrificing her need for genuine connection.
Once you see this dynamic clearly, much of the confusion begins to fade. The pain may not disappear immediately, but you stop asking what you did wrong to make him love you. You finally understand that the problem was never your worth—it was his inability to form authentic emotional intimacy.
That realization is painful, but it is also the key to your freedom. It allows you to stop wasting your life trying to earn love from someone who was never capable of giving it. You realize that your value does not depend on a man who treated you like an emotional appliance instead of a human being. You no longer have to live a life of emotional starvation just to preserve a narcissist's fake public image.
Instead, you are finally ready to heal your heart and recover from years of deep emotional manipulation.
​
“If a highly narcissistic man is a lifelong serial cheater who constantly monkey-branches from one relationship to the next, has barely been single his entire adult life, calls every ex "crazy" or a "stalker," uses women as shields, but seems to thrive most on male validation...
If he's always cheating, that suggests a deep, chronic sense of dissatisfaction. "
My nex use women and love male validation. Women are for paying for things or free labour.EVIL
I've been reading about male narcissists and homosocial relationships, and I swear there's no end to it. Every new concept explains another piece of my nex's behavior. Reality really is stranger than fiction. He's permanently lowered my threshold for surprise. At this point, if someone told me he woke up with a period tomorrow, I'd probably just go, "Yeah... sounds about right."
My nex has slept with over 100 men and women.
Now that I understand NPD, I only have one question left:
Do they ever change for the new supply?
If your narcissistic ex moved on, did they actually become a better partner—or was it just the same cycle with someone else?
I'd love to hear your experience.
I had a very healthy first relationship, so I learned early on that sex and intimacy aren't the same thing. They can overlap, but they're not interchangeable. That made my first marriage especially confusing.
Toward the end of the affair, we had almost completely stopped having sex. On multiple occasions, my nex had sex with his new supply during our co-parenting phone calls. I also noticed that before seeing her, he would take Venlafaxine, an antidepressant whose common side effects can include delayed orgasm and a higher orgasm threshold. In other words, for many people, it can make sex last longer while making it less physically rewarding.
That leaves me with one question: if sexual pleasure itself wasn't the priority, what function was sex actually serving for him?
My nex didn't have much going for him. He barely worked and mostly lived off women, government benefits, and whatever shady income he could scrape together. He drank a lot, used drugs, and was addicted to sex.
All he really had was his ability to talk and sex. Other than that, I don't know what he had to offer.
My situation is a bit more complicated than most.
This was an international marriage, and I'm living outside my home country.
I went through what I can only describe as textbook psychological abuse: gaslighting, chronic devaluation, and eventually being discarded.
What makes the decision even harder is that we have a child.
If I stay, I'll likely be co-parenting with this person for many years. If I return to my home country, I may lose the chance to be part of my child's everyday life.
If this were someone you loved, what would you honestly advise her to do, and why?
I'm not looking for a perfect answer—I'd simply appreciate hearing different perspectives.
Thank you in advance.
She knowingly took part in a long-term affair with him. On the night I was forced out of my own home, she was there. She later acted as a flying monkey in our co-parenting situation and witnessed firsthand how he treated his wife and the mother of his child.
Yet she still chose to get pregnant and have his baby before our divorce was even finalized.
What exactly was she expecting? If she wanted to know how he treats the woman he's committed to, wasn't I already the best example?
Did your nex also have a handful of "default phrases" they repeated in almost every conversation?
Mine constantly recycled these:
1."I think you don't understand the situation now."
2."When you calm down, call me back."
3."You know how to contact me."
4."At the moment, I'm talking."
5."You're dumb."
6."I think your lawyer is not a good lawyer."
7."OK, OK, you're right."
8."Go f**k yourself."
9."Just want to confirm..."
It felt like every other sentence contained one of these, almost like a script on repeat.
These phrases are trying to accomplish —control the conversation, put I on the defensive, or something else?
Learning from Dr. Ramani gave me the theory about NPD. Reading stories on Reddit showed me the pattern.
That's when I realized my nex wasn't some one-off case. The lying, manipulation, serial cheating, alcohol abuse, drug use, compulsive sexual behavior, and constant need for excitement all fit into the same pattern.
The damage these behavior patterns can do to partners, children, and families is enormous. But most people know almost nothing about them. In reality, a lot of people don't recognize the signs until they're already deep in the relationship and trying to figure out what happened.
Sometimes I wish someone would make a movie that really shows what's behind the mask—to help others recognize these patterns before it's too late.
I ended up with someone who reminded me of Shimon Hayut from The Tinder Swindler. The story—and the ending—felt eerily similar. The only difference was that his love bombing was the budget version. There were no private jets, no diamond company, and no billionaire lifestyle. The fanciest thing was probably an Uber ride. I knew he was an orphan and didn't come from a family with money or connections, so I understood he didn't have the resources to create Shimon's image. What version of himself he presented to other women, I honestly don't know.
What I do know is that he scammed me and my family out of a substantial amount of money. Looking back, the lies, manipulation, financial exploitation, and constant sense of crisis followed a pattern that now feels disturbingly familiar. The scale was different, but the dynamics weren't.
The biggest realization came much later. I thought we were building a home, a marriage, and a future together. Looking back, I realized we weren't living the same story. I thought I was building a life with someone. He seemed to be repeating a script. I wasn't "the one"—I was simply another person cast in it.