So I, 28F, was adopted when I was very young. My bio parents were young and not well off, and I was lucky enough to be adopted by my great great aunt and uncle on my bio mom’s side. My childhood was pretty good, I had a stable home and it was kinda cool that my parents were older/retired and could spend a lot of time helping me through school, sports, etc. I never really had any issues with being adopted and love my parents as if they were my birth parents.
That being said, I’ve had a weird relationship with my bio parents. My bio mom and I were not close growing up, but she traveled for work and tried hard to make a better life for herself. As an adult now, I have regular contact with her and, while I do not really see her as my mom, I love and respect her. My bio dad is a bit of a different story…
My bio mom and dad only dated and separated before I was adopted. So my relationship with each of them was quite different. I really adored my bio dad as a kid and always looked forward to when I could see him. Unfortunately, he came from a poor family and made some bad decisions in his early adult life. He constantly struggled with addiction (alcohol and drugs) and would disappear for months to well over a year at a time. Whenever he was sober and working though, I have a few fond memories of playing with him, shopping, etc. I would even write to him and visit him in rehab when I was allowed.
He never really was able to get his life straightened out, and again he would come and go in my life. It made me a bit sad and even angry as a kid when he would disappear, but whenever he showed back up again I tried to spend time with him and make the most of things. Eventually, when I was 16 and he was sober for a decent period, I made plans to spend the day with him. He was going to pick me up and we would go out to eat, see a movie, just normal stuff. Well, he never showed up. Then no one could contact him, just went MIA. So, I finally decided I had enough. I felt like I was not a priority in his life and, even though I loved him, I could not trust or count on him. I was tired of waiting for him to show back up and worrying if he was even still alive. So I blocked his phone and socials and told my parents I no longer wanted to talk to him or see him, even if he did show up again. They respected my wishes and told me it was my choice to make.
Over the years, I have heard a bit here and there about my bio dad. He had tried to reach out to me a few times over the years through family, but I stood firm and did not unblock him. My family has not tried to get me to talk or reconcile with him, and give him limited information about me and my life - per my request.
That is the backstory, sorry it is so long! Anyhow, onto now. My bio dad reached out to my bio mom this week and asked her to forward me some messages. There was a lot, so I will greatly condense what he said, since this is already a long post. He said that he has been having serious medical issues and is not sure how long he will still be around. Apparently, he really wants to reconcile with me. He invited me to meet him for dinner and wants to invite my half sisters (that I was never close with and have not talked with them since I cut off bio dad - they have been in contact with him though) so we can all reconnect. Now I am not sure what to do.
I am leaning towards remaining no contact. I do not feel like I could ever see him as my dad again, or even trust him as someone close to me. It has been over a decade since I saw or spoke to him, and I feel like I would just be meeting a stranger. I no longer harbor hard feelings towards him, as an adult I can comprehend how terrible addiction is and do believe that he has struggled a lot in life…. But I just do not really feel the need to meet him. I have my parents who raised me and my own family, so what good could come from meeting with him? So, AITA if I keep my bio dad blocked and refuse to meet him, even if it is a wish from a man who is in poor health?