Hey guys. I'm sorry if this all will be super confusing, but I'll try to make it make sense.
I was in an LDR with this man for a year. We have met in person several times and things were going well it seemed, however I always had this lingering feeling that he began to drift and my emotional needs were not being met.
We had struggles, and I went through a rough year which changed my behavior in a way he did not like. I will admit that I became a little bit more closed off and rude. I regret it immensely and feel terrible for it, but the year was so incredibly awful for me and he was not fully there to support me, especially not emotionally.
Because of this, we broke up. But we continued to talk, during this time I apologized profusely to him and tried to get things to work as I still wanted the relationship. For a month he refused, but still continued to talk to me and make it seem as if there was a chance--saying things like "I do want it to work" instead of just cutting me off.
Here is where the first misunderstanding begins. I think we are trying to work things out. He recently told me he was just trying to "nicely" cut contact with me.
This is important to note, because during this time, he told me he was going on a trip, during which he would not be able to text me at all (???) He would not tell me where this trip was to or who it was with. Just nothing. And this really bothered me, because I was worried he was going to see another woman. I felt justified to worry because I thought we were still working things out and it was a little more complicated than just broken up.
I asked several times for him to tell me because this makes me very nervous and I have been cheated on in the past, and this only upset him and made him angry towards me.
He said he does not have to tell me about his "private life", because we are not together. But he claims the trip is insignificant anyway (so why not tell me)?
I let it go for a while. He cancels the trip as things improve between us. Fast forward to now, and he is willing to try things with me and we have been hanging out again. I figure I can ask again. So I ask. He gets angry, and says he does not have to tell me about a trip he planned while we were "not together" and we discuss that aforementioned misunderstanding.
He reluctantly tells me what the trip was and that it does not involve any women. He had made some "buddhist friends" online (he's super into buddhism) and was going to visit them to visit a buddhist temple? I know nothing about buddhism. Why does this mean he can't text me at all?
But I just can't believe it. Why couldn't he tell me if the trip was so insignificant? He says it still is making him angry that I kept asking, even though I explained that I have trauma around this kind of thing. I fear that it sets up this notion for the future that I must be okay with not knowing where he goes.
Am I overreacting or is something suspicious? My friend says it is gaslight-y since he was making me feel guilty for asking a normal question.
I am questioning if we should have stayed broken up.