I (32F) have a hard time telling my husband (30M) emotional feelings. How to approach logically?
I would like to say, I have been married for 5 years, but we’ve been together for almost a total of 10. I would say we’re in a pretty good dynamic and I know we’re in a good place in our marriage. There’s just this thing I’d like to understand to help strengthen our bond.
I wonder how does one deal with a partner who uses logic against emotion? For example, he always uses the “logically we should feel the same way” which we do and we normally come to the same conclusion. But emotionally I am still hurting, but he doesn’t seem to understand that my emotional satisfactions are just as important cause logically speaking it SHOULDN’T be that way if we think the same way, so I just end up fizzling out. My grievances are there, but logically they shouldn’t be if we both agree, but I can’t seem to express myself in a way that’ll reach him logically.
For an example, let’s say we both messed up. He tends to have a shorter cooldown than me and I admit I have a poorer way of regulating emotions and I tend to simmer a bit, but I also know the reason of why I’m hurting. I just have a hard time putting it into words. He on the other hand views things as a task and once he gets to the core of the issue he just wants to “fix it” and end our fights.
Logically, I get that. There’s no REAL reason to let things sit. But at the same time, I’m hurting and I can never feel like I can express that without being shutdown of “why?” I know for a fact he’s not doing it to “poke the bear” so to speak, but in a way help regulate and put my emotions into words, but the way he does it sometimes is so aggravatingly condescending. Of course, when I call him out on his tone he apologizes and we end up just kinda fizzling out of the argument with genuine apologies, but of course a little wounded.
It’s like I’m satisfied with the outcome since we are able to resolve the issue, but emotionally I’m still hurting and it feels like it ends up being swept up? I don’t feel resentment towards him, but I feel like I’m in this perpetual feeling of “I feel so hurt and I know I shouldn’t be, but why doesn’t he understand my emotional needs too?”