u/JustTheOneGoose22

My daughter turned 13 last month. A bit about me and our relationship: Her mother and I were never married or together since she's been born. We had dated in high school, on again off again post, hooked up aged 20 and our daughter was born, not planned. We have had no romantic relationship since age 20 (We're 34 now) and we are co parents on good terms that don't live together. Her mom married and had another child (my daughter's brother) I did not. I'm single, and I see my daughter very often, every week at least 2-3 days during the school year more in the summer and school break time. She's the best thing in my life and she and I get along great and always have. We still get along great. I have read countless stories of women saying they were close with their dads young, then they hit teenage years and saw their dads pull back or not treat them the same---I desperately don't want that to be me. At the same time things ARE changing. She is more volatile, emotional, and quick to anger which I'm sympathetic to with hormones going crazy, I remember being like that to some degree on a lesser scale as a teenager. The issue is....I'm having a really hard time determining when I should just let her let out her emotion, and let it ride, and try to console her, and when I should push back. For example if she's being unreasonable or clearly in the wrong do I say "Hey know, you agreed to this, you need to do your part" or let it go? I understand it's situation dependent....I just don't want to fight with her at all and never hardly did when she was younger, and now there are times where I feel I need to say/do something. I still have a lot to teach her, about life, about practical things, etc etc. We all know we didn't know everything at age 13 and needed some direction.....I just sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her when she's feeling frustrated. It's not anger directed at me either, it's usually over something that has nothing to do with me like, losing at a video game, frustration with minor friend drama, her hair not being right etc. Sometimes part of me wants to push back and say "Hey I know this is upsetting but this is life, small problems do not warrant huge emotions, we take what we've been given, we adapt, we learn, we overcome as best we can" but I don't want to discount what she's feeling. Other times I'll let her kind of have a bit of a meltdown over something minor, and it's not yelling or screaming it's mostly directed inwards upset at the game, or friends she's texting heavy sighs, maybe yelling "COME ON BRO!" and some tears but if I try to say "you ok?" she's pretty repellent in the moment, and doesn't want consolation. I'm a very loving big hearted dad and my nature won't change. Still doing big hugs, I don't miss a chance to praise her on her many accomplishments. She's a great kid and I believe in her 100%. My own Dad was not/is not a bad guy but he was WAY too passive in both my life and my sister's life. Nice, sure. Active, attentive, aware, willing to go above and beyond? Definitely not. I don't just want to be a nice dad, I want to be a good dad. A dad who is there where and when it counts. A dad who is willing to do the hard thing if it's the right thing. A dad who puts in the work and tries for real. I understand things change as we get older both she and I, and from 13-25 might be the toughest years (but also maybe the most fulfilling) and I'd just like some advice from you women based on your own experiences with your own fathers. How best can I navigate the next decade?