I miss her every day, but now I'm able to smile again at the memories
3 months ago, I had to unexpectedly put my soul cat Magpie to sleep. I don't think there are words to describe the amount of pain I was in emotionally after. I cried so much that I ended up damaging my sinuses.
There's no way around it, if you are expecting it or not grief just sucks.
But I have done some healing, and I thought I would share some ideas that could help other pet parents heal too.
- Creating a memorial, in the right place
I have a small shelf in my office I dedicated to my cat. I put her favorite toys, photos, paw prints and some dried flowers there. I don't visit that room as often but that way, when I want to interact with those memories I can but it's in more of a conscious choice to go see.
- Creating a little bit of peace
The week that she passed, I went thrifting and found a glass dish that had cats on it. It reminded me of her, and I decided that I wanted to grow something in it. I ended up growing cat grass in it for my other cat to enjoy. Seeing something grow in her name was really healing for me. If you are not a plant person, you could always use your pet's dish as a sand or rock garden.
- Not judging myself for needing to cry still.
Grief sucks. I'm really not sure why in society pet loss is not considered as devastating as a human loss. Even in the first week of her being gone I found myself thinking "it's just a cat, what's wrong with me" and that wasn't so much my own voice but the pressure I felt to be 100% happy and functional again. So all that being said, screw that. Loss is painful. And yes sometimes I still cry when I think of her. And that's okay. I love her, still and forever. Nothing that ever happens will change that, and with that I have found some healing.
- Gratitude
There's a quote from Whinnie the pooh that has always stuck with me: "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard" and I feel like that really sums up how lucky I feel to have had her in my life. Some people never experience what we have felt with our animals. The love we had and the good moments that have made it suck so much to let go. I'm trying to hold onto that "lucky" and smile when I look back at photos and laugh when I come across a funny one. There is healing in gratitude.
- Giving back
I haven't done this yet, but I'm planning to this year. My local animal shelter has a memorial sponsorship program where you can sponsor an animal's adoption fee in someone's name. The idea of being one of the steppingstones to supporting someone finding their new family member is exciting to me. I want her name to live on and be a reason other people can smile too.
That's all I have so far but like I said in the beginning, this sucks. Loss sucks. Grief is the worst. I hope some of these ideas help <3