How do you keep intimacy alive when depressed?
(31M in 11yr relationship)
I’ve been depressed for about a month. Luckily it’s not completely debilitating, but I’ve been feeling very empty and not wanting to have sex with my partner. He assures me he’s still attracted to me, tries to put moves to see if I’m interested, and I still feel not worthy to have sex with him. Sometimes, I jerk off like 3 times a day but won’t even consider having sex because I want that release but having sex sounds difficult and intimidating. We cuddle most nights before bed, so there is still some physical touch (our shared love language).
This time around, I’ve tried really hard to have sex, and will even do it if I’m not in the mood but have the energy to do it. When not depressed we tend to have sex two to three times a week. When I’m depressed it’s once every week or two and I don’t last long. I feel so guilty being this way when I’m with such an attractive guy that loves me and finds me attractive. At times, I even consider offering to open up the relationship because I know he wants more sex than I’m willing to give. If he could, he’d be getting laid 5-6x/week. I used to be that horny but something happened around when I started Latuda/turned 30 where I want to be horny but I’m not.
Has anyone opened up their relationship to satisfy their partner while depressed? I want him to be satisfied, but also nervous knowing he’s going out to hook up might make me feel worse knowing I haven’t been pleasing him enough. Feel shitty either way tbh.
What can I be doing differently? I want to come with ideas when I bring it up to him for how we can keep the intimacy and I feel less guilt