AITAH for getting married and not telling my family?
I (28F) married my husband (26M) this past weekend. We had a very small, intimate ceremony with only 7 guests present (13 total including us, the pastor, photographer, MOH, and best man). Afterward, we had dinner with the rest of my husband’s family.
None of my family attended, and none of them even know we got married.
For context: my husband and I moved quickly. We started dating in December 2025, got engaged in February 2026, and planned our wedding for May 2026. I know that sounds fast, but when you know, you know. He is genuinely my best friend, and we have a healthy, supportive, communicative relationship. I truly couldn’t ask for a better partner.
I moved to a new state alone last year, which is where we met. Most of my family still lives in my home state, except my parents and brother, who live nomadically in a camper and travel around the country.
My mom and I are close, but we’ve clashed in the past over choices I made when I was younger. I had a pretty reckless phase at 18, but I turned my life around years ago, and my mom has repeatedly told me how proud she is of the independent woman I became. Still, despite that, she has a tendency to try and have a say in any decisions I make even as a adult. Whether it's where I live, what I'm doing with friends, and how I'm "adulting" I'm under constant scrutiny. My grandmother (her mom) and I both agree that she can be a very selfish/self centered person and everything has to fit into her world the way that she wants it to for her to be happy.
When we got engaged, the first person I told was my grandmother because we are extremely close. She was overjoyed and immediately said she’d be there no matter what.
I waited a few days before telling my parents because I knew they might react badly, and I wanted to enjoy being newly engaged for at least a little while first. When I finally told them, I even had my grandmother on the call for support.
At first, they reacted much better than expected. They said they were skeptical because things were moving fast, but that I’m an adult and they’d support me.
Unfortunately, that only lasted one day.
The next day, my mom requested a video call with us and completely changed her stance. She said the wedding date was too soon, especially since they travel constantly and had never met him in person. She told us that if we got married on our planned date, they would not give us their blessing and would not attend.
She also said we were being selfish because our wedding date interfered with the travel plans they already had and it didn't fit into their schedule even though they drive their home everywhere and are regularly only one state over and never actually stick to their set plans. They are free to come here any time, they simply choose not to. However, if we waited until the following year, they would be able to fit it into their schedule and happily attend and support it.
After that conversation, we went no-contact for a while.
My grandmother still supported us and said she would attend no matter when we chose to marry. My mom became angry about that too and started pressuring her, saying things like she was “letting me brainwash her” and questioning how she could support this marriage.
The pressure got so bad that my grandmother eventually started asking if maybe waiting another year would be better.
A few days later, my mom sent me a long message saying we were selfish for “throwing this on them” and expecting everyone to go along with it.
After a lot of discussion with my husband, I told my parents we would wait until next year.
But we never actually intended to wait.
The main reason I said that was to get my mom to stop pressuring my grandmother, because it was causing her a lot of stress. My husband supported whatever decision I made through all of this.
My dad mostly stayed quiet and followed my mom’s lead because he hates conflict, but he did say he wished he could walk me down the aisle someday since I’m his only child. That part genuinely hurt.
So we quietly went ahead with the wedding anyway, because we didn't believe we should have to alter what we want based on my parents opinions.
Our current plan is to have a one-year vow renewal/celebration next year so my parents can still feel included and “be there” for our wedding while we still got to have the intimate ceremony we truly wanted without all the drama and pressure.
It did hurt not having my family there. Outside of my MOH and her husband, I had no one from my side present. But my husband’s family has been incredibly loving and welcoming through all of this.
I’m now happily married to the man of my dreams, and I don’t regret marrying him at all. What’s difficult is having to keep such a huge part of my life secret just to avoid the fallout and toxicity I know would happen otherwise.
I know this situation is messy, and I know I chose to handle it this way.
But AITAH for not telling them we went through with the wedding?