Young women: How to support my daughter who failed a class and may lose scholarship?
My daughter is a junior in college in another state. She just told me that she flunked a class by failing to turn in a final project (requested and got an extension, still didn't get it in, prof will not accept it now). Now she'll almost definitely lose her partial scholarship, which I am now freaking out about.
I'm going to take a couple days before talking with her about this. Knowing her, she's beating herself up horribly for this. She has anxiety and is very good at that. I love her more than anything and have zero interest in making her feel bad. But if I talk to her right now, I will make her feel bad, because I'm angry. I'm a single parent and I bust my ass to pay for some of her tuition and living expenses (she works pt) and all of her health insurance (out of pocket, since I'm self employed). I also have ADHD and this shit is hard for me too.
On top of that, I've offered to pay for therapy or ADHD coaching (again, out of pocket), and have done all the research for her, and she hasn't taken action on that. She is on meds fwiw. Before you ask, this school doesn't offer any support services.
I white-knuckled my way through undergrad and law school, decades before I had a diagnosis, and that's not what I want for her. I do understand and have empathy for what she's going through. I know she's trying, this is not laziness, this is a disability. And... as adults with ADHD we still have to take responsibility for the consequences of our actions on others. And this definitely has consequences for me. My goal was to get her through college without any unsubsidized loans. Now, without the scholarship, she'll have to take unsubsidized loans for senior year. Some people would say "welp that's her problem" but I'm looking at this economy and I don't see how any young person is getting a job... I feel like there's a very strong chance these loans are going to be my problem, directly or indirectly.
And that's assuming she can get her shit together and actually graduate next year. This class was required, so now she'll need to take an extra class in fall so she can graduate, which will be very difficult as she'll already have a full courseload (and also obviously means more $). She says she can't do anything about this over summer, which I don't actually believe, but again I think it wouldn't be a good idea for us to talk about it right now so we'll get into that later. Either way I need to know what's going to be different in fall.
Again, I love her more than anything and nothing is more important to me than our relationship. But also, wtaf.
I need advice, especially from younger women. If you were her, if I was your mom, what would you want from me? Is there anything I could say or do to help?