Can you ever train your brain to stop getting off on a certain fetish?
Hi, I’m 35F. I started viewing porn from a young age like many others, especially once video platforms started becoming more popular online in the early 2000s. It began to escalate and the content that I viewed got more and more extreme. Every time after I got off I would feel horrendous shame and guilt for the things that I liked. Well, there is one particular fetish I have and would search anywhere for it because it’s not common and almost laughable. The only place I could find it was on YouTube and it was videos of regular people doing it because it’s not inherently sexual. Now, with fetish content more available im able to find it a lot more easily and it’s magnified by 1000x because it’s incorporated sexually in these videos. However, this fetish haunts me because it’s a normal bodily function. I have recently stopped viewing porn because my boyfriend also has an addiction to it and it’s been a huge point of contention in our relationship. Every time we are intimate, I can only get off by imagining this fetish. It’s kind of easy because he does it often but I haven’t told him that it’s something I like. I can’t get off to anything else and it’s really hard not to watch the fetish videos. It makes me feel so much shame and embarrassment and I can’t seem to train my brain to get rid of this. I’m currently post partum and since my partner and I have been having issues, my libido is very low and it’s been easier to obstain from porn, plus I feel guilty because I want to be in solidarity with my partner. But this fetish creeps up often, especially because it’s something people do. It’s haunting me. How do I overcome this?