Boyfriend’s parents are playing extreme mind games to stop our wedding
I (31F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for three years. We went to the same school growing up but live in different states now. When we decided to get married, he assured me his parents were progressive and wouldn't care about caste. He proposed, told his parents, and they initially seemed totally fine with it.
My parents, on the other hand, are very conservative and immediately said no because we are from different communities. It took months of back-and-forth, but I finally convinced my parents to agree.
The moment my parents agreed, his parents suddenly did a complete 180. They started looking for other brides for him. Then, his mom claimed "we will never agree" and said if we got married, his parents wouldn't attend.
Fast forward 6–7 months. His parents suddenly gave us strict conditions to agree to the wedding:
1 My side has to bear 100% of the wedding costs (no splitting).
2 My side has to handle all the booking and planning.
3 Only my BF and his mom would attend any pre-wedding meetings.
Wanting to make this work, my parents actually agreed to these terms. My BF said he'd try to negotiate the cost-splitting later.
Since they "agreed," my mom called his mom for the very first time to ask for a guest count so we could look at venues. The call was a disaster. My mom congratulated her on becoming a grandmother, and there was just dead silence. When asked about wedding planning, his mom flat out said, "no, I don’t want to talk about the wedding. His dad and I will never agree to this because we wanted a daughter-in-law from our own community."
She then interrogated my mom and me about how long we’ve known my BF, and demanded to know why we weren't hosting the wedding in an entirely different state so they could travel there. When I asked again how many guests they’d bring, she just said "a lot" and hung up. Five minutes later, she called back to say, "You two just get married, none of us are attending," and slammed the phone down.
When I told my BF, he confronted his mom. He came back to me in absolute shock. He told me that his parents are now saying that before we get married, his father is legally transferring all of his assets and properties to my BF's sister.
He asked if I was okay with that. I told him, "I am marrying you for you, not for your property." He hasn't spoken much about it since because he's in shock, but he keeps assuring me he will still marry me. This all happened 3 days ago.
We are both in our early 30s and want to settle down, but I am at a complete loss. Is his family just bluffing to manipulate him into leaving me? How do I support my BF right now while protecting my own family from this toxicity? Any advice would be appreciated.
TD;LR:
I (31F) and my BF (30M) want to marry. My conservative parents initially refused due to different castes but eventually agreed. Once they did, his parents flipped from supportive to hostile. They demanded my family pay 100% of the wedding costs, and then his mom verbally insulted us on the phone and said they won't attend. Now, his parents are threatening to legally transfer all assets to his sister before the wedding to disinherit him. He is in shock but says he still wants to marry me. Need advice on how to handle this manipulation.