So, I guess I need some outside views. Today is my mans birthday and we got into a huge fight, which basically ruined the day - or the little good time we could have had.
Necessary to mention in this context, that he is working a 12h nightshift atm, didn’t take the day off and has to sleep during the most part of the day. And the day before he asked me to get new gas for our Soda stream. Sounds confused now, I guess, but we‘ll come back to that.
Fast backward … yesterday after he had gone to work, I spend a good portion of my evening to prepare for today. I had planned to gift him a trip in a hot air balloon, because he is a lot into aviation in general, works in that field and even has a license to fly small planes. Ballooning is something on his to-do-list, but he barely never spends money easily on fun stuff for himself, so I booked him a flight, crafted a cute looking balloon with a basket, in which I deposited the giftcard, and baked a cake, despite knowing he lately started working out again and wants to loose weight. (The year before we had spent his bd in Budapest, in an airbnb with no oven -I took him out for dinner - and afterwards he complained, that I hadn’t even made a cake for him.)
At midnight exactly I wrote him on WhatsApp, congratulating with nice words and virtual kisses, to let him know, despite not being home, he’s on my mind.
It was really late when I went to bed, putting an alarm, with the intention to be up before he comes home. Well, I overslept anyway, or slept in again immediately , after the alarm went off. In addtition I have to add, that I have a constant 24/7 pain in my hands, due to a damaged spinal cord, after I broke my neck 2-3 years ago, which is why I have to take opioids and as well I do smoke weed to cope with the pain. When I get up it’s especially worse, because the warnte in the bed or the horizontal position leads to visibly more swelling. So part of my morning ritual is taking my painkillers and have a smoke, needing a minute before I get going. But back to this morning. I woke up when he rang our doorbell. I opened, greeted him with a kiss, asked how his night has been. Sat down to have my smoke while he was taking a shower. After the shower he returned in just a towel, sat at the couch for a moment, said nothing and then got up again and left the room. Thought he might go and put on some clothes. Meanwhile his gift was visibly sitting on our table, masterly ignored by him, and I was kind of waiting for the right moment for it. But he didn’t return to the room, so I went and checked upon him, just to find him already in bed. So I asked him, if he could put in the new gas cylinder in our Soda stream, before going to sleep, for once because we always make fresh water to put next to the bed, and second I wanted to lure him back to the room to maybe have a coffee together and to give him his gift. But he answered, he’d change it when he is getting up later. Okay, I thought, he must be terribly tired, we‘ll get to that later, and got into bed with him, hugging and we slept.
Fast forward to half past eleven, when I got up again to start making lunch, because he insists on having at least regular eating times, when shiftworking already impacts his rhythm.
Well, he got up too, and thats when it all turned into a nightmarish horrible day. He started complaining, that I had not immediately offered him tea or coffee when he got home. That not even on his birthday I would care for him. Then he asked about lunch, if he should cook for himself, sideeying to the clock, as if I‘d let him starve. It wasn’t even 12 and normally we eat around 1. So I pointed out, that I already started making lunch and that it’s not true that I don’t care, mentioning the cake and the still waiting present. But oh boy, if you think that made him recognize he might be wrong, then you are. Because the gift sitting on the table was obviously proof that I‘m a manipulative person, making his day all about me, since I had not immediately pressed it into his hands in the morning. (Quote: You obviously wanted to manipulate me, like as if I should have been asking „oh, is that for me“, to look good, instead of you coming to me and congratulating and giving it to me. You‘re a sefish, shitty person.) And the cake just made it worse, since I knew that he wants to loose weight. Of course. Plus I could have brought him coffee+present to bed, instead of assuming he directly wanted to sleep. And regarding my tiredness and my „morning ritual“ he had the audacity to say, he wouldn’t even know if my pain was real, I would just use it as a cheap excuse for being so thoughtless.
After his rant about me he went back to bed while I finished cooking.
I admit, that I was pretty mad at him, when I put his lunch on a tablet and served it with a snappy comment to „your highness“ in bed, so he refused to eat it. Instead he leveled up the fight, got meaner, came up with random other things that we fought over in the past and insulted me multiple times. At least in my opinion. In his he of course just speaks the truth and I have a problem with it, because nobody ever was holding me accountable for my actions.
The rest of his time at home I basically ignored him, despite I knew that he was waiting for me to make a first step towards peace. The gift is still sitting on the table, giftcard unopened, and I‘m thinking of throwing the crafted balloon in the trash and cancel the booking.
AITA?
u/Kali_76 — 1 month ago