Sensitive question--please help
This is literally my first reddit post and Im honestly fearful about people thinking Im a terrible daughter for asking this, but Im not sure where else to go for info.
My 90 year old mother has been on hospice care for 2+ months now. She is in stage 5 kidney failure (GFR 11) but is also blind, deaf and crippled enough that she can barely stand. She has been ill almost my entire life and has broken more bones than anyone I know, plus has had both hips and knees replaced. Basically her body is a total lemon and always has been. She has been on oxy (5 MG 4x/day) for the past 20 years. At 4ft10 and 85 lbs, I honestly dont understand how THAT hasn't killed her.
2 weeks ago, her hospice nurse felt she was ready to go to the hospice facility-- she was now too weak to stand, breathing was becoming labored, was only eating and drinking small amounts and was sleeping 16+ hours a day. We truly thought she was passing, and everyone, including her, was relieved. Dad passed almost 3 years ago and she has missed him terribly. She has zero quality of life.
After 2 days in hospice care, they told us she wasnt dying "fast enough" and would need to be moved to a nursing home-- the very thing we had hoped to avoid. We tried to find the best one-- not many choices in our city-- and admitted her, thinking it would be a very brief stay. Instead, its as if she has come back from the dead. She is FURIOUS that she is still alive and even more so that she's in a nursing facility. She isnt tired, eats and drinks ALL the time-- large portions!-- and is now telling us that she thinks she can walk again if we'd bring her walker to her.
This is the part I dont want to be judged for-- i love my mom fiercely, she has always been my best friend--but I literally cant understand what is happening. If I thought that stage 5 kidney failure could reverse itself and she could get better, that would be great, but obviously that isnt happening. The idea of her hanging on like this for months (years??) and being so angry about it almost makes me want to drive off a cliff.
I guess what Im asking is: has anyone else seen this anomaly? Where someone in this condition is close to death and then rallies like this? I know it can happen for a day or two but its been a week now. I feel like the world's worst daughter for being disappointed that she isnt declining, but she truly doesnt want to keep going-- she thinks God must be mad at her and doesnt want her 😔 I just dont understand why this is happening. Any thoughts or experiences? TIA.