The internet has made me hate my country
I feel like the internet has made me hate being Indian to a point where it's becoming unbearable.
And I don't even think I can blame the internet for everything. Because whenever I see people saying things like "India is disgusting" or "Indians have no civic sense", I want to believe that they're just stereotyping us and exaggerating everything. But then I go outside and see some of the exact things they're talking about.
I'm so frustrated with the way a lot of people behave here. The littering, spitting, ignoring rules, treating public places like they're their own house, being loud in places where you're obviously not supposed to be, etc. And what frustrates me even more is when you try to point these things out and people get defensive instead of just admitting that maybe we could do better.
I've seen videos of foreigners criticizing India where they're actually being pretty respectful and making legitimate points, and then I go into the comments and it's just "INDIA IS THE BEST 🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳" and people acting like any constructive criticism is going to kill them.
I've experienced this in real life too. I've tried telling people around me that certain things aren't okay, and I've literally been laughed at and called "Western". I don't understand how cleanliness and civic sense is a "Western" idea. Imagine being degraded over wanting a better country!
Because of all this, I've started developing a really horrible attitude toward Indians in general. I hate admitting this, but sometimes when I see an Indian person I immediately assume they're going to be annoying or inconsiderate until they prove otherwise. I KNOW that's unfair. I don't actually want to think like that. But that's genuinely where my head has gotten to.
And the internet makes it so much worse.
I feel like Indians are EVERYWHERE online. I see Indians being criticized, Indians arguing with people, Indians defending literally everything about India, Indians behaving badly in other countries, etc. And after seeing it constantly for years, I've started associating all of it with myself.
I've even lied about my nationality before because I was ashamed. I've had people online find out I'm Indian and suddenly treat me differently, and it makes me feel like I have to hide it if I want people to take me normally.
I also constantly compare India to other countries now. I'll see people from somewhere else and think, "Why can't we be like them?" They seem cleaner, more disciplined, more respectful, more attractive, whatever. I know that's probably an incredibly distorted way of looking at things, but when you've been exposed to this stuff constantly it's really hard not to think that way.
I've even started feeling insecure about my own appearance because I associate my appearance with being Indian. I find myself wishing I looked like I belonged to a completely different ethnicity. That's probably one of the worst parts of this whole thing, because I obviously can't change where I come from.
And I don't even hate everything about India. That's what makes this so confusing.
I genuinely love Indian culture, history, languages, art, architecture, music, etc. There are so many things about the country that I think are beautiful. But then I look at the way some people behave and the way India is portrayed online and I just feel this massive amount of embarrassment.
I keep thinking that if I could just leave India and live somewhere else, maybe I'd finally stop feeling like this. But then I remember that I'd still be Indian. I can't just change my face or erase where I came from. It's like I'll never fit in anywhere. I even feel guilty for wishing to migrant elsewhere, seeing how Indian immigrants are being seen these days. I really don't to trouble or cause discomfort for other country people, like how other Indians do.
Please change Indians. I just want a country to be proud of.
