39 F4M Iowa or within a short flight ✈️
I have this overwhelming desire to spend a summer in NYC and just get in random cabs and urgently say to the driver "follow that car!" I feel like this has gotta be a less common movie trope with the surge in Uber and lyft now. This kind of thing would definitely fuck up my current 5 star rating for lyft/Uber. I did spend a semester in NYC in college and have been back a handful of times since including later this month. It is still in my top 5 US places I'd love to live, I'm just not willing to pay NYC apartment prices at this time or have roommates again.
Why does it seem like everyone is a nerd these days? Maybe it's the nature of looking for a partner on the internet, but being online in itself doesn't make you a nerd anymore. If anything it makes us all normal and basic. Everyone is a slave to their devices anymore. It used to be sketchy and questionable to find a partner online. It's more shocking now to meet out in the wild, IRL especially in your late 30s and 40s.
I'm rambling now so let's get to the important stuff. Fair warning this is long. So just feel free to swipe through the photos, decide if I'm your type and move on if I'm not.
I am a 39 year old straight single cis female seeking a straight cis gendered single male 34-44. Jeez, that was a mouthful! Some wiggle room with age, but I honestly couldnt see myself going below 30. I know and like who i am, and id like the same in a partner. I'd prefer someone close to me within a few hours drive. But I also do have some flexibility to travel if it's a non-stop from my regionals. I don't work for an airline, but I do fly a decent amount yearly in the US leisurely. LDR is not my preference, but I also am realistic enough to know my dating pool as a CF woman of color is greatly reduced in my area/state. I have a lot of roots here, family, career and I own my own home so relocation is not something I'm open to at this time. I'd like to be a dreamer and say for the right man I'd move, but that would be a conversation id have to have with the right man at the right time. LDR would only work if we're both willing and able to put in the effort to travel to see each other regularly.(quality time!)
I have a lot of the same hobbies as most average people.
~Reading(fiction mostly, an occasional memoir). I've had and exceeded my goal of 52+ books a year the last couple years. I'm a little behind and only on books 18/19 now.
~Writing- I've been writing stories from a young age, and it's something I really enjoy. I've been to a handful of conferences and retreats over the years. Even if no one ever reads some of the stuff I write, I still enjoy doing it.
~Traveling and seeing things and people outside of my immediate comfort zone and creature comforts. Now that I've got the US pretty well covered, I'd like to travel internationally more often.
~Watching movies. I'm one of those people that still prefers movies in theaters. Even the ones that end up being terrible. It's too easy to get distracted at home. When I'm in the theater, my phone is off and I'm focused on the big screen. One of my favorite new additions of the last few years has been going to the Monday night mystery movie when I'm able to. I actually prefer when it ends up being a movie I may not have seen otherwise. I've only been tempted to walk out twice when the movies were awful. I enjoy movies at home of all genres and several TV series as well.
~Food. I love to eat! I'm trying to cook more often. I love experimenting with flavors, I just hate the prep work side of cooking like slicing and dicing vegetables and herbs. I love trying out different restaurants and small coffee shops when I travel to different places. I've also done a few group cooking classes in different states and had a lot of fun with those. I have a sweet tooth and fully embrace desserts. I enjoy spicy foods as well, if you can't handle some heat and if you think green bell peppers are too spicy, we might not get along.
~ Workouts and running. Running is a big part of my life. I run 5-6 days a week. I've completed a marathon in 32/50 US states as of writing this and 2 marathons overseas. I have at least 4 other marathons in 4 new states planned for the rest of this year. I like going to classes and group workouts at the gym focusing on strength. I am far from skinny, I dont have a typical marathoners body, but I am pretty fit with a good amount of muscle and a great resting heart rate. I do still have the type of arm backfat that makes it seem like I can fry the best chicken. I however cannot fry chicken.
~Podcasts. I like storytelling podcast that make me think or ones that can make me laugh outloud while I'm pounding the pavement for hours of running. I enjoy going to live show episodes of podcasts when I can make it work.
~Music. I enjoy a variety of music. Most music from the 90s through the 2010s is on some Playlist that I'm singing along to regularly. The things they now consider "throwbacks " on the radio are songs I was probably still listening to last week. I still play CDs in my car. My last concert was JoJo(too little too late) last year in Nashville.
~I love live stand up comedy as well as live sports. I'm not a die hard of any specific team or sport, but I have been to NBA, NHL, NFL and MLB games while out of state for races.
Non negotiables
~Child free. This means no kids zero, zilch. This doesn't mean you have your kids part time. This doesn't mean you have grown kids. This doesn't mean you have kids that you're not a part of their lives. This doesn't mean that you are still undecided about wanting kids and that you don't want them now, but might want them later. There is no later for me, and i won't change my mind. I don't generally hate kids, I see and speak to my close-by niece and nephew at least weekly. I enjoy being the "rich" aunt. I just know without any doubts that I don't want my own kid.
~Gainfully employed, financial stability and in a stable career. I'm knocking on 40's door and have been in my career for over a decade. The guys in my age range that I'm interested in should be in a similar position to me as changing careers or just getting started in one is a young person's game. I find it very commendable for people to return to school at a later age and follow their passions, it's just not something I'm interested in being a part of at this season of my life.
~into health and fitness. I run marathons. That's not meant to be a brag. It's a big part of my life as most of my traveling is for half and full marathon races across the country and around the world.(as my pictures tell the story of) I'm not saying you also need to run marathons or even halfs, but a certain level of fitness is important to me in a good match. I mean we could run together. I'm all for that, or just high five each other after finishing our respective workouts solo. I do enjoy talking about marathons and running with people who WANT to talk about it, but don't worry I'm not one of those people where I feel the need to insert it into every conversation.
~Along the same line there needs to be mutual physical attraction. I'm not going to be everyone's type and everyone is not going to be my type and that's okay. I prefer taller men with fit/athletic bodies. Not saying a 6-pack is necessary, but a guy who takes care of himself(hygiene!) Is important to me in a good match. Physical intimacy and physical touch are huge. I want to want my partner.
~No heavy drinking, drugs, or smokers please. I have dated guys who were one or more of the above and ultimately our lifestyles just vary too much. I drink on occasion, but it's not a necessity and if Alcohol ceased to exist tomorrow my life wouldn't be that drastically different. Although I'd probably be dealing with a lot of patients in withdrawal.
~No criminal record or time incarcerated. I truly believe people can and do serve their time and can be rehabilitated back into society. One of my favorite podcasts(Ear hustle) talks about life in and after prison. I just don't know that my life would align very well with someone in a position like that as the trickle down effects are too significant. There are also issues with many wrongly convicted people, But that's a conversation for another day.
Things that although aren't "deal breakers" they probably won't sit well with me
~Someone who eats pizza with a knife and fork(yes, even Chicago style deep dish. Get messy! Enjoy that food!)
~Someone who puts the toilet paper roll on the wrong way. If you're questioning which way is the wrong way I'm probably talking to you.
~Someone with a thick or extensive beard. I know that look is in for a lot of people but it's just not my personal taste.
~Someone who has been married before.
~Someone who is really religious as I am not at all and won't convert.
~Someone who is on the extreme end of introversion and never wants to socialize with others, or never wants to leave the house and do things or who finds social norms difficult to navigate. This should be on the non-negotiable list honestly.
~Someone who plays a lot of video games. I won't be your player 2. I enjoy video games on occasion, but it's not a big part of my life. I probably would not be very compatible with someone who spends a significant amount of time gaming. The last system I bought was a wiiU which I haven't used in years now. We all have our time sucking vices, gaming just isn't mine.
I want to have fun again with a partner. Going places, doing things, touching each other. We get so bogged down in the serious nature of finding our person that we forget to just enjoy ourselves and the situations we may encounter along the way. I understand how contradictory this sounds after listing a bunch of non-negotiables. But I know acquiescing to those things will ultimately lead to being incompatible. I'm no longer interested in riding the incompatibility roller coaster. Or forcing a connection that just isn't there. It can be thrilling in the short term, but the longevity of it gets nauseating. All That being said, I'm not one of those people looking for male friends and see where things go. I'm actively seeking a relationship and wanting to date and get to know each other with that being the goal. I feel like in my past experience with online dating years ago, guys will say things like "Let's start as friends and see where things go" and that translates to "let me keep my options open and never define the relationship while I continue to lead you on." I'm almost 40. I'm just too old for the games. The situationships. The one sided feelings. Be real with me and I will be real with you. I think you should have a strong friendship with your partner, but I'm also being Intentional in putting myself out there and wanting to date. Getting to know men with a monogamous relationship being the goal.
This all probably comes off slightly acerbic but I promise I'm much more easy going, heavily sarcastic and lighthearted in real life.
Ultimately I'm seeking someone who's kind and thoughtful. Not in a performative way, but innately kind. Someone who values honesty, communication and respect. Someone who will listen to me. A man who wants a partner, not a surrogate mother. A man who wants to build a relationship and put forth effort. Someone who I get excited about being with everyday.
This has gotten long so I'll end with all the same tags people usually end these with. No MAGA/conservatives. No polyamory or couples. No one or two word messages. No one only interested in a hookup. I swear if one more person says "if this resonates with you, send me a message." I'm going to...I don't know...Be convinced that reddit is all bots pretending to be humans. If you couldn't be bothered to read this far we're likely incompatible anyways.
Also, Send a face/body picture with your message, this is 2026! I've been lurking here for a few months now and i cant believe how many posts say "your picture gets mine." Or "pic for pic" This feels so transactional. So if I'm an uggo you wont send one back? The only exception to this should be if you're in witness protection. And if thats the case you're probably not in a good space in your life to be dating. It also raises the question why you're in Witness protection and why the people who are looking for you are specifically looking in the cf4cf subreddit. I wonder if that would make a good meet cute for a shitty hallmark movie. TAGLINE: She was looking for love online, but instead she found her mark where she least expected it. I'm rambling again. I posted pictures of myself, you can do the same. My post history isn't hidden. Maybe this is naive of me, but it essentially just reiterates my interest listed above. Don't ask for my socials because I don't have any. K TTYL IDK My BFF JILL.
*Edited because formatting/readability was atrocious!