u/KilljoyMihoyMinoy

I originally posted this in r/bluecollar and the men in that sub were ye of little faith saying it is impossible to have a 2 blue collar household w kids.

Little bit about me: i (32F) got my class A CDL in 2023 and then unexpectedly became pregnant shortly after and had my first baby May 2024. Long story short I no longer have that long distance trucking job. My husband (32M) was working in a factory but applied to the plumbers and pipefitters local and is now a first year apprentice (2026) after a year of being a helper, while i have been a sahm since my son was born.

I am considering joining the operators union but my husband is worried that we will not have enough time for our son (2 years old now) inbetween trade school and work. But we are barely making it work on his meager apprentice pay and scraping by for 5 years waiting for him to top out seems unnecessary when i am able bodied. Daycare isn't particulary my first choice but itd only be a year or so until he starts school.

So, blue collar ladies are any of you married to a blue collar worker and do you have kids? How are you making it work? Or id love to even hear from any single moms as to how you make it happen, working the crazy hours of being blue colllar union.

Thanks!

*Do not continue if you struggle with themes of 💀 or self inflicted💀*

What would you do? (Scroll to the bottom for the dilemma)

Today was a sad day, my husband (Jared*, 32) was woken up by a phone call from his friend and work mentor's ( Sam*, late 50's) wife ( Sarah*, 50's) telling him that Sam had ended his life.

**fake names***

This came as unwelcome and unhappy news.

The worst part, is that I suspected it was coming. Yesterday, Sam brought over some kick knacks and small personal momentos and gifted them to my husband. I was busy when he came over with our son and new puppy, and was doing the dishes when he arrived so I didnt notice the contents of the "gifts" until after ge left. He seemed chipper and pleasant as usual and stayed maybe 20 minutes and it was not uncommon for Sam to gift us small things, esp things he had made woodworking (he was a very generous soul). Nothing was out of the ordinary until my husband told me Sam had tried to give him his special retirement watch and went as far as trying to stuff it in the mailbox to force my husband to take it. This raised a red flag to me. I told him he needed to call him and make sure he was alright. Jared seemed to think this was dramatic on my part and dismissed me but did end up sending Sam multiple texts to check on him at my behest. He never got an answer.

Sam had told my husband recently that his wife wanted a divorce ( to my knowledge arguments over her babying her fully grown addict of child had led to some tension in their marriage- i will not elaborate past this) we genuinely thought this turmoil would pass but I am speculating Sarah must have filed or something set him off.

Today, after telling my husband about Sam's passing, Sarah demanded everything Sam had gifted Jared back. But nothing he gave my husband is really *worth* anything in a financial sense

He gave him

-a sack full of old coins, some may be worth a little money but they are not graded or well kept, just thrown in a bag, worn and scratched

-a small stained glass window

-a few rings but honestly if we hypothetically sold them theyd be melted for scrap and some are fashion pieces, (all men's)

-a small amount of scrap metal (my husband scraps for extra cash)

-2 pictures, a nature shot Sam took in Tennessee, and a small picture of a watercolor world map, seems to be a mass produced print.

-some old gages from the early 1900s (essentially useless, but cool)

-an ammoless rusty revolver, that Sam said had belonged to his father.

-some hobby workshop pieces Sam made

In honesty this stuff would be considered junk in an everyday scenario, random things we aquire throughout life. (And i dont mean that in a rude way but it is literally just random stuff. It almost seemed liked he cleared off a bookshelf and brought it over). I'd also like to mention Sam and Sarah were not hurting for cash, she had inherited a business and sold it. She is rich, and i mean go fuck yourself rich and Sam had just retired and had an amazing pension. So for her to demand these things back seemed strange and it kind of irked me that she was focused on materialistic belongings instead of the passing of her husband. My husband told her she could have everything back if she wanted it even though he is clearly grieving too (and she does. Down to the scrap metal) but I feel like Sam wanted my husband to have these items, as random as they seem they are clearly tokens of friendship in hindsight. If he didnt want Jared to have them, he would have just left them in the home he shared with his wife. Right?

DILEMMA: on one hand Sam made a choice to gift these particular things to my husband as one of his last acts; but on the other hand, Sarah is currently still his wife and it may help in her grief. What is right here? Is it disrepectful to Sam's memory to return items he specifically gave Jared even if we don't understand why he chose those things to give? Is it wrong to keep them when a grieving widow demands these seemingly meaningless knick knacks back?

What would you do?

NOTE: We do not know Sarah particularly well as Jared and Sam were work friends so perception and insight are mostly one sided here.