u/Kind_Economist_1205

I'm afraid SD 7 is showing signs of narcissism- in addition to the constant need for attention, disruptions, not allowing a conversation, needing to be seen as special, important and centered at all times (those things I have learned to deal with). She is CONSTANTLY climbing and jumping on DH- no other kids behave like this- especially at her age during school drop off. The other kids usually just stand there and wait. She is climbing up him, jumping on him, asking him to swing her like they're doing a circus act, standing on his hands. But it's constant. Especially at home. [edit: She is ADHD but does not do this at her mom's house]

But the root of the issue is he has no real boundaries with her. When he says "stop, don't, or no..." she just laughs and jumps on him harder or does whatever he tells her to stop doing a few more times. Or slowly tries to see what she can get away with while laughing. He doesn't have a FIRM "no". So sometimes when he is truly at his wit's end and cannot handle her physical (I'll call it) abuse, he locks up or gently physically stops her. She then acts like he hurt her. She will say "you dropped me!" or scream "ouch!" Or say "you threw me!" He doesn't recognize this theater and gets upset, arguing that he did not intentionally hurt her.

What I see from the outside looking in, is that because of these lack of boundaries, she is taking him not wanting her to climb on him as rejection. She is also very tall for her age and it's starting to get cumbersome. Kids horseplay has always deregulated my nervous system. But I also think he needs to teach her consent. She seems to just run up and grab him, kick him, pull his hair any time she wants. The only time she ever asks to touch him is if she wants him to pick her up. The most disturbing part is she kicks him in his privates- knowing how sensitive it is, intentionally. He often tells her "don't jump on me because you're going to kick me in the nuts". She says "no I won't", he gives her the benefit of the doubt and she does it. I told him this is extremely inappropriate...but I don't know what else to do.

Has anyone else experienced this special kind of pain? I lost my dad when I was 9, and was ultimately stuck with a family that abused me, told me my feelings didn't matter, that my needs didn't matter- and as long as I was fed, I had clothes and roof over my head, I should be grateful. Now I am a hyper-independent career woman making 6 figures with a PhD- no help, nobody to depend on or fall back on. And I'm dating a man who is an attentive, devoted father. For the record, I am not jealous of his relationship with his child (SD7)- I think it's a beautiful thing- and she has her lane and I have mine, so it's not that. I also enjoy being there for her. But I just can't help but to mourn what was taken from me- and to wonder the kind of woman I would be if my dad had lived to see me grow up, continue to support me and who comforted me when I cried.