I cant tell if I (still) have binge eating disorder
to get right into it, I definitely have BED tendencies- struggle to stop, eat to the point of being painfully full, look to food as a comfort/joy, etc.
in the past, I would say that generally its been the binges that have gotten me to my current weight (which is extremely overweight) with some mixes of a binge and restrict cycle (week long binges followed by a restriction, binge one day, restrict the next, etc etc) but lately im not even sure.
I've tried "all the things" it seems- did therapy when I was younger (was in therapy but for a different, unrelated thing (I really dont think I go to food as a comfort for that thing so I didn't bring it up) but I honestly didn't feel therapy was effective for that. im not saying that strategies weren't good, its just my biggest problem has always been putting them in action and staying with them consistently. I've read the books, gone to claude/AI for the best strategies out there, tried diets, tried listening to my body but I always find myself eating way too much.
I say now that Im not sure if its a BED because today I'll not restrict at all- im not a breakfast person but ill force myself to eat breakfast, eat lunch- its all normal and im satiated until dinner and then all hell breaks loose. im eating insane amounts and still hungry (I think?); and its not particularly unhealthy foods its just the sheer volume becomes insane calorically.
the thing is, this (kinda) only happens when im at home and have unrestricted access to food. at college, im generally fine (go to the dining hall regularly but when im in my dorm for long periods ill eat out and because its like a "one time thing" ill drop like $50 on food and go to fucking town). but yeah, when im at school im perfectly fine just eating lunch/dinner or only dinner, feel great, energized- I dont even really see it as restricting im just going about my day, eat a healthy dinner, maybe a snack and do great.
but when I get home, I dont know what changes (mentally). like I can be out all day too and then right when I get home the unrestricted access to food kills me. It really feels like I physically cant tell myself no sometimes. ive tried leaving the room, eating multiple meals, drinking a large cup of water before dinner, was even on ozempic for a while and just ate right through it.
im honestly at my witts end and can't take it anymore so I wanted to share my story to see if there was something- anything I was missing, because for three months out of the year when im at home, putting on like 40lbs, not being productive, and basically being a shut in that just eats is killing me not only physically but mentally as well.