I often watch videos of a very well-known psychologist in my country who had the same kind of mother as me. Her mother was narcissistic and sadistic, and did everything to destroy her. Despite that, at 17 she went to see a therapist, managed to pursue her studies in psychology, got married, had several children, and now she’s everywhere in the media.
Watching her videos made me feel ashamed. I went through the same thing, yet I collapsed after my studies. I completely isolated myself. I never worked, even though I had strong academic abilities, despite depression destroying my memory and concentration. I cut myself off from social connections, and now I’m harming myself through disordered eating.
Then I reflected, and I stopped blaming myself. She managed to find support, while I was completely alone. She had a loving grandmother, she was able to get help from a psychologist early on, and she met a kind, supportive partner at 19. Relationships make all the difference. I was the scapegoat of my entire family, and on top of that I had an autism diagnosis, which made it even harder for me to ask for help.
All of this is to say: never compare your story to someone else’s or feel ashamed of your struggles. Not everyone has had the same support system.