I’m going to preface this by saying sorry if this is jumbled, I’m really bad at organizing my thoughts. So please feel feee to ask questions if you need clarification.
I’ve (23F) been with my boyfriend (26M) for almost 6 years. We both suffer from mental health issues (I have depression, anxiety, and have AuDHD. He has schizophrenia and depression) and I’ve done my best to try and give him grace and let some things pass (outbursts of anger) because I understand he had a traumatic childhood that definitely affects him still as an adult. I also used to have really bad anger issues (went to therapy for years for that and the depression) so I understand that it’s hard to control it sometimes.
For the last two and a half of those years my boyfriend has been jobless. He doesn’t have any health issues, we just ended up moving back to our home town (living with his family currently against my better judgment I’m starting think) and he hasn’t had a job since.
I’ve helped him by polishing his resumé, helped him find and apply for jobs, and recently I’ve tried to help him go to trade school for welding. He has to pass a basic math test to be accepted into the program, and he refuses to study. He tells me I need to push him and help with studying, even though I’m currently working and studying for school myself. I’ve given him options on how to study (Khan Academy) and he refuses to start.
Now, that’s not what makes me feel resentful. I understand the job market is hard right now, and that math isn’t everyone’s strong suit. What makes me resentful is what he does during the day/night.
His current routine is waking up in the afternoon/evening (anywhere from 11am-8pm) and immediately he’s on his computer playing a RP server for GTA5. If he’s not on GTA5 he’s on some other game. Then he goes to bed (anywhere from 11pm-10am). When he games he tends to yell and screech, so that means I’m being woken up in the middle of the night because of it.
When I’m home and awake, he completely ignores me. He’ll start conversations, asking me questions and then as soon I start to respond, he’ll immediately cut me off to talk to his buddies. The only time he doesn’t truly ignore me is when he wants sex. If I say no, he ignores me and pouts. If I say yes, he gets off and then goes back to ignoring me. He’s also let his friends bash me when I ask him to make me something to eat (that was the agreement when I moved back with him to his family’s house. I don’t feel comfortable being around his dad because of comments he makes, so we had an agreement that he’d make food for me. I’d be happy to clarify further if anyone needs). They’ll comments about me being needy and he just laughs about it.
We’ve fought numerous times over these issues, and I feel like shit every-time because he pouts and threatens to kill himself. I’ve ended up just pushing it down, and i think it’s making me resentful. I feel more irritated with him and more depressed. I have genuinely no issue paying for everything. I just want the resentment to go away, because I think he can tell I’m more irritated lately, and I don’t want him to feel bad. He doesn’t deserve me being resentful and irritated with him.
Does anyone know to get rid of that resentment? My family says I should break up and go back to therapy, but they’re going to be biased towards me. I want a way to make this work and get rid of the resentment.