i’m hurt
it obviously started out fun and games i felt great. now im in a loop. chasing and chasing along that
i’m 22 years old and a year ago got into xanax a year ago.(farmapram, probably a fking research chemical with how they are now)
prior to that, i started kratom leaf at 17, stole some from dad, helped tons with social anxiety and depression. obviously some euphoria. years go by experimenting random drugs like mdma or ketamine. i eventually did kratom extracts here and there. then found 7oh. it hooked me hard and was a crazy ride. fun at first obviously. in the midst of that i tried xanax because i wanted relief (dealing with homelessness and manipulation from my parents and such) and to “try”. it was like the magic pill for me. now i take it daily. i hate myself for this. then, after 7oh got outlawed, i ended up getting addicted to kratom extract. been tumbling and found a gas station that sells 7oh illegally. i relapsed here and there.
i’m stuck and lost. i live on my own,my family is hundreds of miles away, and it’s been rough. i need help but don’t know how with a pet and all these bills i pay. i take my kratom extract throughout (smaller amounts) the day at work to feel energy and not withdrawal, then on work days i wait till end of day to take my xanax. but its getting to a point where i realize i want or need small amounts during the work day.
i look forward to coming home to taking 1.5 or 2 farmapram xanax bars. on my off days is when its bad, i end up taking extra things , more xanax and kratom, drink, etc
idk anymore i told myself taking xanax is ok because ill end up offing myself anyways because thats how my mind thought growing up. i always wanted to do that in high school (sober)
didnt think id make it this far in life. i’m just hurt 22 year old guy with responsibilities and fed up with my life